You think I’m going to ask these sweet 14 year olds to ask their parents to buy a $100 ticket then run around in latex and lip sync? No way.

I can’t say this enough – the food that you put into your bodies can actually help you get better grades. And it can also affect your performance in sports and other activities too. You see, when you give your body the best possible fuel, you have more energy, you’re stronger, you think more quickly.

I don’t watch television and I rarely go to the cinema, but I recently watched ‚The King’s Speech‘ on a flight. It was so beautiful and so simple.

I do all my own stunts. I’m kidding.

I don’t know who I touch and who I don’t. I work hard trying to make people laugh. I try to do the kind of stuff that made me laugh growing up. I don’t have any secrets. I don’t know the reasons I’ve been so well received.

There’s been a lot of talk of me being a one-man show but that’s simply not the case. We win games when I score 40 points and we’ve won when I score 10.

My mother never cursed at home; my father never cursed at home. My father didn’t drink. Even though we were poor, we would say a blessing over the table. So that’s who I am.

When you come to my show, I want it to feel like opera, like a theatre.

My parents are my backbone. Still are. They’re the only group that will support you if you score zero or you score 40.

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

In the end, everything is a gag.

There is a need for aloneness, which I don’t think most people realise for an actor. It’s almost having certain kinds of secrets for yourself that you’ll let the whole world in on only for a moment, when you’re acting. But everybody is always tugging at you. They’d all like sort of a chunk of you.

I love WWE, and I love that platform. There is no other platform in the world that gives me that instant gratification. There is just no other platform.

I can’t see myself singing the same song twice in a row. That’s terrible.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

When I was growing up, my parents were almost involved in various volunteer things. My dad was head of Planned Parenthood. And it was very controversial to be involved with that.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

The PC has improved the world in just about every area you can think of. Amazing developments in communications, collaboration and efficiencies. New kinds of entertainment and social media. Access to information and the ability to give a voice people who would never have been heard.

WIth football you can have up to 28 guys you consider starters, and if they can pick up the slack when some aren’t playing so well, you don’t have to turn those two game losing streaks into six-game losing streaks.

I never wanted to sing. I just wanted to play rhythm guitar – hide in the back and just play.

Music is part of the life of fashion, too.

I won’t be satisfied until people want to hear me sing without looking at me. Of course, that doesn’t mean I want them to stop looking.

My parents weren’t actors or studio executives.

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.

‚Best Man Holiday‘ was a very successful film.

Much of everyday life is filled with opportunities to be distracted. Our possessions… entertainment… cares and anxieties… and even the passionate desire and pursuit of things, some good and not so good, can keep our minds and hearts caught up in a flurry of activity.

I say that in the most humble way: I always knew that I could perform with the best of ‚em and I could deliver with the best of ‚em.

On the field, aggression can sometimes be a positive emotion. It boosts performance and can lift your game. But over the years, I have learnt that restrained aggression is a better animal. That way, you will conserve your energy and won’t spend yourself quickly.

Stand-up is my baby.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

Movies were invented for Jimmy Cagney, and he was invented for the movies. A perfect match.

Whenever a youth is ascertained to possess talents meriting an education which his parents cannot afford, he should be carried forward at the public expense.

When I was performing the songs on ‚Kiss Land,‘ it was a great singalong. But there were moments where I realized some parts were catchier than the others. There’s maybe two choruses on all of ‚Kiss Land.‘

The movie business is a big gamble.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There’s entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

I never listen to the radio unless I rent a car.

I enjoy singing my songs in front of people. I enjoy being involved in making the artwork for albums and stupid stuff like that.

My parents were divorced by the time I was even conscious – like, I don’t remember them ever being together.

My mother was Catholic, my father was Protestant. There was always a debate going on at home – I think in those days we called them arguments – about who was right and who was wrong.

I performed in a bowling alley before while people were still bowling. Cut the check, and I will perform anywhere.

I like entertaining people. I really miss it.

I don’t spend too much time on my phone, laptop or television. However, I do occasionally watch documentaries and shows on streaming platforms.

I don’t know what acting is, but I enjoy it.

I did stand-up for my grandparents every day when I was, like, eight.

There’s something about being in front of a live audience that’s fun. It’s a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can’t get it anywhere else. And I’ve been doing it since I was 23, so it’s part of my being – it’s part of my fabric as a person.

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?

I don’t have a vast longing for the stage.

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

I guess you could say I devoted myself so strongly to my music that for awhile I forgot about my family. But I only get one set of parents, and I think I forgot about that for a little while.

I’m a showgirl, as you can tell. I’m ever ready.

For more than a decade, I led an organization that put on an elaborate Christmas program each December. It was a big production, with over 250 people participating in more than 20 performances. By the end of the season, everyone who participated was exhausted.

My mami and papi love my music. They’re always listening to the radio waiting for one of my songs to come on. And when it does, they turn up the volume – and turn it back down when it’s over.

It’s really fun to be on stage in front of people.

I knew I was blessed with a gift of having both parents.

I grew up cursing a lot. It felt natural. My parents told me to stop.

My parents met when they were graduate students at UC Berkeley in the 1960s. They were both active in the civil-rights movement.

I think one of my pursuits over the years is trying to answer the question of, ‚What else can you do with a voice other than stand in front of a microphone and sing?‘

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

It just seems there’s better things to do in your life than be on television if it’s not interesting, if it’s not challenging, if it’s not fun. You know? When it stops being those things for me, I’ll stop making television.

When Jerry Springer thinks you’ve gone too far, my friends, you have gone too far.

‚Star Wars‘ is fun, its exciting, its inspirational, and people respond to that. It’s what they want.