You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

The story as told in The Odyssey doesn’t hold water. There are too many inconsistencies.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‚President Can’t Swim.‘

‚Recreative‘ is a word that I invented because in urban culture, with colloquialism, we invent so many slangs. I don’t like the way that ‚recreational‘ sounds – I don’t like to say I do a lot of ‚recreational‘ reading. I like to say that I read ‚recreatively.‘ I do a lot of ‚recreative‘ reading.

For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself.

Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. Relevant detail, couched in concrete, colorful language, is the best way to recreate the incident as it happened and to picture it for the audience.

I have Dalinian thought: the one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made ‚em up myself.

The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.

I’d have stopped writing years ago if it were for the money.

As you heat the planet up, it’s just like boiling a pot.

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Writing has always had that tactile quality for me. It’s a physical experience.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

To the audience, it’s like I’m changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show’s almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.

I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.

Art is man’s expression of his joy in labor.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.

I feel like in my music I can be a rebel. I can say things I wouldn’t say in real life.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

When I write, I tend to twist my hair. Something for my small mind to do, I guess.

Things may not be immediately discernible in what a man writes, and in this sometimes he is fortunate; but eventually they are quite clear, and by these and the degree of alchemy that he possesses, he will endure or be forgotten.

If you do things, whether it’s acting or music or painting, do it without fear – that’s my philosophy. Because nobody can arrest you and put you in jail if you paint badly, so there’s nothing to lose.

I think I have always had a little humor.

All my big mistakes are when I try to second-guess or please an audience. My work is always stronger when I get very selfish about it.

All art is but imitation of nature.

The primary distinction of the artist is that he must actively cultivate that state which most men, necessarily, must avoid; the state of being alone.

I see drawings and pictures in the poorest of huts and the dirtiest of corners.

True art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist.

All genuinely intellectual work is humorous.

I’m born with a pencil in my hand. I did lots of sketching.

No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.

I’m not a writer who teaches. I’m a teacher who writes.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

For a long time, I had the idea that I would do a certain amount of work the best I could, and then I would reach a comfort zone, and I wouldn’t be pushed to write more. I would become a different person. It’s a surprise to me that this hasn’t happened. Your body ages, but your mind is the same.

I seem to turn out stories that violate the discipline of the short story form and don’t obey the rules of progression for novels. I don’t think about a particular form: I think more about fiction, let’s say a chunk of fiction.

One of my big goals as a human being is to continue to write what’s really happening to me, even if it’s a tough pill to swallow for people around me… I do fear that if I ever were to have someone in my life who mattered, I would second-guess every one of my lyrics.

Sometimes I’ll jot a clever turn of phrase down. Sometimes I’ll just remember it.

The function of the artist is to invent, not to chronicle.

‚The New Yorker‘ was really my first experience with serious editing. Previously, I’d more or less just had copyediting with a few suggestions – not much.

Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.

The human body has two ends on it: one to create with and one to sit on. Sometimes people get their ends reversed. When this happens they need a kick in the seat of the pants.

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl.

None of the records I make are ever a deliberate construction – they’re always an expression of who I am at the time and where I am in my life.

I look just like the girls next door… if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Sometimes I wish my first word was ‚quote,‘ so that on my death bed, my last words could be ‚end quote.‘

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

Every artist wants something different out the game.

Sometimes I get the start of a story from a memory, an anecdote, but that gets lost and is usually unrecognizable in the final story.

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

When I am writing, I do not distinguish between the natural and supernatural. Everything seems real. That is my world, you could say.

I try to really capitalize off of what other rappers really can’t do. There are opportunities that rappers I love simply can’t get, because… you know… I don’t have the tattoos; I have a different image.

Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.

Don’t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

When I did have some success, it further emboldens you to be like, ‚No, I’m just going to write what I feel I should write.‘

America is a poem in our eyes; its ample geography dazzles the imagination, and it will not wait long for metres.

I’m not a very creative person, you know? I’m not really an art person. I’m not a great reader or writer or artist or musician.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‚Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.‘ He said, ‚Yes, but not in a row.‘