You know, my Grandpop Finnegan used to have an expression: he used to say, ‚Joey, the guy in Olyphant’s out of work, it’s an economic slowdown. When your brother-in-law’s out of work, it’s a recession. When you’re out of work, it’s a depression.‘

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

I like the app where you can make your own memes. I make memes all the time and send them to my friends.

I think that’s something that all mothers have to deal with, especially single mothers. We work, and we have to leave the kids behind. And I think that’s one of the reasons that we, not only as women but as families, we have to advocate for early childhood education for all of our children.

Perhaps, as some wit remarked, the best proof that there is Intelligent Life in Outer Space is the fact it hasn’t come here. Well, it can’t hide forever – one day we will overhear it.

Nothing can affect my voice, it’s so bad.

I have a full and satisfying life. My work and my family are very important to me.

Eloquence is a painting of the thoughts.

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.

Common sense is the genius of humanity.

Michelle and I don’t want anyone telling us who our family’s doctor should be – and no one should decide that for you either. Under our proposals, if you like your doctor, you keep your doctor. If you like your current insurance, you keep that insurance. Period, end of story.

Some old men, continually praise the time of their youth. In fact, you would almost think that there were no fools in their days, but unluckily they themselves are left as an example.

A human being would certainly not grow to be seventy or eighty years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life’s morning.

There was a time when people said, ‚Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.‘ Now they just say, ‚Pay him!‘

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

The ‚Billionaire‘ song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It’s funny.

A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.

The life so short, the craft so long to learn.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.

Brad and I have never wanted our kids to be actors, but we also want them to be around film and be a part of Mommy and Daddy’s life and for it not to be kept from them, either. We just want them to have a good, healthy relationship with it.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There’s entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, ‚What for?‘ I said, ‚I’m going to buy some sugar.‘

In the end, everything is a gag.

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.

A minute of thought is greater than an hour of talk.

One science only will one genius fit; so vast is art, so narrow human wit.

When America stopped importing from China, China stopped importing from the rest of the world. This affects Asian countries as well as Australia, Brazil, and other suppliers of raw materials.

Old age: the crown of life, our play’s last act.

The union of the Word and the Mind produces that mystery which is called Life… Learn deeply of the Mind and its mystery, for therein lies the secret of immortality.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial ‚we.‘

People who do not know how to laugh are always pompous and self-conceited.

I wanted to be a skinny little ballerina but I was a voluptuous little Italian girl whose dad had meatballs on the table every night.

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?

In my heart, I’m just a kid from the council houses. I can remember the old cottage and my dad coming round with the tin bath. I’m not a rich man.

I think that there is never an indispensable leader, you know? I think that there is a time with dignity that one needs to leave.

And I come here as a daughter, raised on the South Side of Chicago – by a father who was a blue-collar city worker and a mother who stayed at home with my brother and me.

It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.

The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month.

Good fame is like fire; when you have kindled you may easily preserve it; but if you extinguish it, you will not easily kindle it again.

Even if the economy crashes, we will still burn oil.

Children are a wonderful gift. They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are.

I used to read five psalms every day – that teaches me how to get along with God. Then I read a chapter of Proverbs every day and that teaches me how to get along with my fellow man.

Growing up, my grandmother did not want worldly music in the house. Then when I went out to California, I started listening to Spanish music, mostly Mexican music. But were I in Egypt, I would listen to the music of the people, or if I was in Italy, I’d listen to Italian music.

The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.

I grew up in a funny way.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver.

Beauty and folly are old companions.

True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.

The last suit that you wear, you don’t need any pockets.

Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time.

A song has to take on character, shape, body and influence people to an extent that they use it for their own devices. It must affect them not just as a song, but as a lifestyle.

Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.

Experience never errs; it is only your judgments that err by promising themselves effects such as are not caused by your experiments.

Art is to be free. Design is to fix.