23 quotes
Well, to the people who pray for me to not only have an agonising death, but then be reborn to have an agonising and horrible eternal life of torture, I say, ‚Well, good on you. See you there.‘
Christopher HitchensYou look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Henny YoungmanSarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.
Fyodor DostoevskyPeople use irony as a defense mechanism.
David ByrneI would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
George Bernard ShawA politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
E. E. CummingsI don’t like magic – but I have been known to make guys disappear.
Mr. TSome sarcasm is best told simply.
Kevin HartI may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston ChurchillEverything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.
Karl LagerfeldI’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.
David BowieFrazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the U.S. Bureau of Wild Life.
Muhammad AliWhy don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
Will RogersI don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody AllenThat’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they’d be like, ‚Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.‘
Jim CarreyWit is the lowest form of humor.
Alexander PopeI’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody AllenLet me state the obvious. Illegal immigration is illegal, duh.
John KennedyGod made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark TwainSuppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Mark TwainSarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.
Thomas CarlyleThe Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.
Adam SandlerHe would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens