joke quotes

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that’s walked a song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.

Take my wife… Please!

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.

It was that famous joke: What’s the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? ‚Hey, I wrote a song.‘

It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something valuable. There’s a lot of that in Silicon Valley.

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.