To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It’s commenting or observing or twisting life.

In the end, everything is a gag.

For victory in life, we’ve got to keep focused on the goal, and the goal is Heaven.

Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being. Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.

Every once in a while I get the highly inappropriate proposal which is like, ‚Wow, Really! You don’t even know me and I don’t know you at all, and you want that to happen? Tonight? Ok, I get off work at 7.30.‘

Life in general has never been even close to fair, so the pretense that the government can make it fair is a valuable and inexhaustible asset to politicians who want to expand government.

If a man or woman is born ten years sooner or later, their whole aspect and performance shall be different.

Some mystery should be left in the revelation of character in a play, just as a great deal of mystery is always left in the revelation of character in life, even in one’s own character to himself.

I was the only kid who anybody I knew has ever seen actually walk into a lamppost with his eyes wide open. Everybody assumed that there must be something going on inside, because there sure as hell wasn’t anything going on on the outside!

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

My philosophy in life is, Decide what you want to do. You have to have something to hope for.

Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.

Life is too short not to celebrate nice moments!

The eyes like sentinel occupy the highest place in the body.

Art is not merely an imitation of the reality of nature, but in truth a metaphysical supplement to the reality of nature, placed alongside thereof for its conquest.

When the first big paycheque with ‚Dumb And Dumber‘ hit, I went: ‚Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?‘ But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe.

My goal is to make everyone and anyone a Kevin Hart fan.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.

Which death is preferably to every other? ‚The unexpected‘.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‚What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!‘

I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing, and the shadow won.

Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide?

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality.

We all want to win more, but it’s all about being blessed and embracing your blessings. We have life.

While there’s life, there’s hope.

The great thing about having a bunch of kids is they just remind you that you’re the person who takes them to go poop!

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.

The wise man does not expose himself needlessly to danger, since there are few things for which he cares sufficiently; but he is willing, in great crises, to give even his life – knowing that under certain conditions it is not worthwhile to live.

I can honestly say, after talking about my mom passing away, I got the biggest weight off of my chest. Comedy is my therapy. That’s how I deal with my problems, my personal battles. I talk about it. I give it to my fans. When they laugh at it, it’s a release, for lack of a better word.

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.

Death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.

I work very hard, and I play very hard. I’m grateful for life. And I live it – I believe life loves the liver of it. I live it.

If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

This is the highest wisdom that I own; freedom and life are earned by those alone who conquer them each day anew.

Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.

A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.

I’m never gonna step away from stand-up. I can’t. That’s what got me where I am, and that’s also my muse. That’s how I stay level-headed. That’s what keeps me going.

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

Certainly, if you look at human behavior around the world, you have to admit that we can be very aggressive.

There is not a sprig of grass that shoots uninteresting to me.

Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs one hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate… but with his other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins.

If you stop struggling, then you stop life.

Ice-cream is exquisite – what a pity it isn’t illegal.

That is why, no matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I have just landed on my head.

If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Nothing in life is promised except death.

If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.

It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

No one can pass through life, any more than he can pass through a bit of country, without leaving tracks behind, and those tracks may often be helpful to those coming after him in finding their way.