This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

The government has completed the entire process to do away with interviews for lower rank jobs. There will be no requirement of interview for Group D,C and B non-gazetted posts in central government.

Can people who hunger so desperately for what other people have ever have enough?

It is a fine game to play – the game of politics – and it is well worth waiting for a good hand before really plunging.

I do not, in fact, use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people’s memories for a while.

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it’s absolutely true.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I’m joking and when I’m serious.

The world is weary of statesmen whom democracy has degraded into politicians.

It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you.

Democracy… is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder; and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike.

My government is working for the common man. Our priority is the poor of the country. We want good governance through a dynamic and seamless government.

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It’s just funny.

The mark of a true politician is that he is never at a loss for words because he is always half-expecting to be asked to make a speech.

What Britain needs is an iron lady.

Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

I particularly like Twitter, because it’s short and can be very funny and informative. It’s a little bit like having your own radio program.

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Mitt Romney subscribes to the cynical logic that says the American dream belongs to some of us but not all of us.

I’ve done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they’re going to be compared directly against other ads.

There’s nothing in the Constitution that says the President stops being President in his last year.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government. It is always oppressive.

I met Woz when I was 13, at a friend’s garage. He was about 18. He was, like, the first person I met who knew more electronics than I did at that point. We became good friends, because we shared an interest in computers and we had a sense of humor. We pulled all kinds of pranks together.

Gray Davis can run a dirty campaign better than anyone, but he can’t run a state.

There were the questions of what kind of First Lady I would be, what issues would I focus on. Those were the questions that were being pounded on me through the campaign. A lot of times, I wondered what in the world Barack was even getting us into.

Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.

No body can be healthful without exercise, neither natural body nor politic, and certainly, to a kingdom or estate, a just and honourable war is the true exercise.

Political chaos is connected with the decay of language… one can probably bring about some improvement by starting at the verbal end.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‚Yes,‘ you know he is a crook.

The French complain of everything, and always.

Finality is not the language of politics.

Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.

Winning the election is a good-news, bad-news kind of thing. Okay, now you’re the mayor. The bad news is, now you’re the mayor.

I just think it’s so important not to take yourself too seriously.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful than Thor with his hammer. The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.

Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

I’m not a politician. And I don’t want to be.

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure.

The economy’s always been the engine for our national security.

I love nerdy, cute, quirky boys who don’t take themselves too seriously.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

I try to be funny and not ignorant.

Remember a few years ago when Congress declared that the sauce on a slice of pizza should count as a vegetable in school lunches? You don’t have to be a nutritionist to know that this doesn’t make much sense.

It’s plain hokum. If you can’t convince ‚em, confuse ‚em. It’s an old political trick. But this time it won’t work.

A good Catholic meddles in politics, offering the best of himself, so that those who govern can govern. But what is the best that we can offer to those who govern? Prayer!

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I’m not a conservative of any kind.

A popular government without popular information or the means of acquiring it, is but a prologue to a farce, or a tragedy, or perhaps both.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty.

Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?

It is as hard and severe a thing to be a true politician as to be truly moral.

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

When a nation is over-reliant on one or two commodities like oil or precious minerals, corrupt government ministers and their dodgy associates hoard profits and taxes instead of properly allocating them to schools and hospitals.

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.