They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, ‚Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.‘

I think what motivates people is not great hate, but great love for other people.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

Tell your wife often how terrific she looks.

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.

I’ve never thought about songwriting as a weapon. I’ve only thought about it as a way to help me get through love and loss and sadness and loneliness and growing up.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have any songs that are about how much I love someone. They’re all either about, like, ‚I hate you,‘ or ‚You make me hate me.‘

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.

Fear is real, but so is love.

Be a force of love as often as you can and turn away negative thoughts whenever you feel them surface.

For me, one of the toughest things about Valentine’s Day is that it gets geared up as the day to profess your love. See, T-E-S-T – that’s a bad word that doesn’t go with L-O-V-E.

I want someone who can trust that my big hands are going to take care of them.

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity.

If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I’d draw the curtains.

Every country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy; Canada is like an intelligent, 35-year-old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson. It comes right up to you and laughs very hard in your face in a highly threatening and engaging manner.

I like actors very much, but to marry one would be like marrying your brother. You look too much alike in the mirror.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.

Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear.

Then, when I’m in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it’s all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me.

Crazy players love me. I don’t know why.

Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.

It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.

Let him that is without stone among you cast the first thing he can lay his hands on.

I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.

The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos, crazy for love.

I could fall in love with a sumo wrestler if he told stories and made me laugh. Obviously, it would be easier if someone was African-American and lived next door and went to the same church. Because then I wouldn’t have to translate.

A friend in power is a friend lost.

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

What ever disunites man from God, also disunites man from man.

My son is becoming me – just a silly, silly prankster guy.

I think tolerance and acceptance and love is something that feeds every community.

When I was nine years old, living on the south side of Chicago, my father was a minister and my mother used to scrub floors. I had seven brothers and four sisters. I told my mama, ‚One of these days I’m going to be big and strong and buy you a beautiful house.‘ That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life, is to take care of my mother.

One of my big goals as a human being is to continue to write what’s really happening to me, even if it’s a tough pill to swallow for people around me… I do fear that if I ever were to have someone in my life who mattered, I would second-guess every one of my lyrics.

I have discovered that my interest in my dear pupil, Mabel, has ripened into a far deeper feeling than that of mere friendship. In fact, I know that I have learned to love her very sincerely.

In the Western Church to which I belong, priests cannot be married as in the Byzantine, Ukrainian, Russian or Greek Catholic Churches. In those churches, the priests can be married, but the bishops have to be celibate. They are very good priests.

All women have a perception much more developed than men. So all women somehow, being repressed for so many millennia, they ended up by developing this sixth sense and contemplation and love. And this is something that we have a hard time to accept as part of our society.

I found it hard to be young. When I was married in my twenties, I hated being regarded as ‚the little wife.‘ You don’t know what it was like then! I’d never even written a cheque. I had to ask my husband for money for groceries.

Marriage is this grand madness, and I think if people knew that, they would perhaps take it more seriously.

In the end, everything is a gag.

For me, it’s about the way I carry myself and the way I treat other people. My relationship and how I feel about God and what He does for me, is something deeply personal. It’s where I came from, my family, I was brought up in a religious household and that’s very important to me.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time.

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

You can’t trust very many people.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

People like to hear the word ‚love.‘

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.

Great loves too must be endured.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.