There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at.

All genuinely intellectual work is humorous.

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, ‚God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!‘

That the divided but contiguous particles of bodies may be separated from one another is a matter of observation; and, in the particles that remain undivided, our minds are able to distinguish yet lesser parts, as is mathematically demonstrated.

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.

While the crash only took place six months ago, I am convinced we have now passed the worst, and with continued unity of effort, we shall rapidly recover. There is one certainty of the future of a people of the resources, intelligence and character of the people of the United States – that is, prosperity.

The intersection of law, politics, and technology is going to force a lot of good thinking.

Our lifetime may be the last that will be lived out in a technological society.

When I was researching my book ‚The 33 Strategies of War‘, I studied Napoleon extensively and I found myself wanting to ask Napoleon questions about things he did, and if was I interpreting his actions correctly.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

Theories are always very thin and insubstantial, experience only is tangible.

There are some people, you know, they think the way to be a big man is to shout and stomp and raise hell-and then nothing ever really happens. I’m not like that I never shoot blanks.

I try to be funny and not ignorant.

I’ve been called a moron since I was about four. My father called me a moron. My grandfather said I was a moron. And a lot of times when I’m driving, I hear I’m a moron. I like being a moron.

I know from having had a child, and from having been a child myself, that children will copy you.

People expect your behavior to conform to known patterns and conventions. Your task as a strategist is to upset their expectations.

I do all my own stunts. I’m kidding.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

You can call me the bad boy chef all you want. I’m not going to freak out about it. I’m not that bad. I’m certainly not a boy, and it’s been a while since I’ve been a chef.

I’ve never been reckless – it’s always calculated. I’m mischievous, but I’m calculated.

No one’s policing their own minds more than an author. You spend a lot of time in your own head analysing what you think about things, and a philosophy comes.

It will be found, in fact, that the ingenious are always fanciful, and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic.

Don’t create more enemies than you take out by some immoral act.

I’m comfortable in my own skin, no matter how far it’s stretched. Ha ha.

But if you – if what – the reports are true, what they’re saying is, is that as a consequence of us getting 30 million additional people health care, at the margins that’s going to increase our costs, we knew that.

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‚See if you can blow this out.‘

Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.

I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess.

I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won’t die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn’t have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.

Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.

How does it become a man to behave towards the American government today? I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

I’m not the most attractive fella. I’m not a Billy Dee Williams. Personality is everything.

No one is laughable who laughs at himself.

A lot of people think I’m a comedian.

The idea of personal salvation is intensely repugnant to me when it is not absurd. Imagine Roosevelt, the big brute, preserving his personality in a future state and swaggering about as a celestial Rough Rider!

If you’re serious, you really understand that it’s important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you’re the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you’re funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.

One should take good care not to grow too wise for so great a pleasure of life as laughter.

Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconcious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

T stands for being nice. T stands for manners. T stands for being polite.

Of all the subjects on this planet, I think my parents would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.

Every man’s reputation proceeds from those of his own household.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‚Did you sleep good?‘ I said ‚No, I made a few mistakes.‘

No sane man will dance.

Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane… There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions.

Most people say that it is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong: it is character.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

As a Western, ‚The Magnificent Seven‘ was a pretty good film. I don’t think it was as interesting or as multi-faceted as ‚Seven Samurai.‘

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

History is more or less bunk.