There are women who can make you feel more with their bodies and their souls, but these are the exact women who will turn the knife into you right in front of the crowd. Of course, I expect this, but the knife still cuts.

Love is an interesting thing. Perhaps I’ve never been in love before – I don’t really know? I think I have. I guess it’s subjective in that way.

The Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.

He that overvalues himself will undervalue others, and he that undervalues others will oppress them.

No one is a friend to his friend who does not love in return.

Listening to and understanding our inner sufferings will resolve most of the problems we encounter.

I am tough, but deep inside my toughness, I like to let people know I’m an old-fashioned mama’s boy.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.

One mustn’t close one’s eyes to difficulty and to shortcomings; the more one recognizes them, the less they upset one.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.

All of my misfortunes come from having thought too well of my fellows.

I have no human feelings.

I am not very good with relationships. With anyone. I can’t be locked up with anyone for too long.

In my case Pilgrim’s Progress consisted in my having to climb down a thousand ladders until I could reach out my hand to the little clod of earth that I am.

The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the ‚Boston Phoenix,‘ and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that’s where I first saw ‚deadpan.‘

The experience of life consists of the experience which the spirit has of itself in matter and as matter, in mind and as mind, in emotion, as emotion, etc.

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.

There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has never yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.

There’s not a note of mine that’s worth the noting.

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

My father was a mean, controlling and manipulative person for most of his life. He was unpredictable and unstable.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.

Great loves too must be endured.

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.

The moment someone asks you to do something you don’t have the time or inclination to do is fraught with vulnerability.

A lot of people tell me a lot of things about my conduct, my game, my future… but I try to stay away from their words of wisdom. I don’t let it distract me. On the field, you will be facing the ball alone. If you fail, you will the only one to blame. So, you should be the one deciding for yourself.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.

Sometimes we be playing the politics too much and forget who we are just to win.

The weather and my mood have little connection. I have my foggy and my fine days within me; my prosperity or misfortune has little to do with the matter.

I think that there is never an indispensable leader, you know? I think that there is a time with dignity that one needs to leave.

A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?

Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.

Every once in a while I get the highly inappropriate proposal which is like, ‚Wow, Really! You don’t even know me and I don’t know you at all, and you want that to happen? Tonight? Ok, I get off work at 7.30.‘

I can’t consciously explain how people feel after reading my books. All is too personal.

The truth is something that burns. It burns off dead wood. And people don’t like having the dead wood burnt off, often because they’re 95 percent dead wood.

The mind of a 19-year-old is very different from the mind of a 26-year-old. You grow. You get into better relationships. You experience more, meet more people, better people. But when you’re in a dark hole at an earlier point in your life – you write about the mindset you’re in at that moment.

Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.

Love is trembling happiness.

I’m not talent. Not considered ‚talent‘ by Lifetime. I’d like to say I’m their savior, but that would be cocky.

There is something curiously boring about somebody else’s happiness.

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man’s being unable to sit still in a room.

No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.

A daily portion is really all we need. We do not need tomorrow’s supply, for that day has not yet dawned, and its needs are still unborn.

For a long time, I thought I was ugly and disfigured. This made me shy and timid, and I often reacted to insults that were not intended.

I am a sinner. This is the most accurate definition. It is not a figure of speech, a literary genre. I am a sinner.

The proper study of Mankind is Man.

If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.

He who is overly attached to his family members experiences fear and sorrow, for the root of all grief is attachment. Thus one should discard attachment to be happy.

I think there’s more women that watch me than men, but I don’t look at myself as just a minister to women. My ministry began that way, but I really feel like the Word of God is for everybody.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Love can do much, but duty more.

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don’t go according to any rules. They’re not like aches or wounds, they’re more like splits in the skin that won’t heal because there’s not enough material.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.

I think that I am better than the people who are trying to reform me.

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

The greatest pleasures are only narrowly separated from disgust.