There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it’s an incomparable experience.

See, people are watching you. Especially your children. They’re taking in every single thing you do. They are like video cameras with legs. And they are always in the record mode. They learn more from what you do than from what you say.

The Italians and Spanish, the Chinese and Vietnamese see food as part of a larger, more essential and pleasurable part of daily life. Not as an experience to be collected or bragged about – or as a ritual like filling up a car – but as something else that gives pleasure, like sex or music, or a good nap in the afternoon.

Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That’s when you know the most, you’ve seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy.

Men are nearly always willing to believe what they wish.

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

It’s sometimes comical to hear the younger generation ask their peers to repeat themselves.

Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.

A person who is too nice an observer of the business of the crowd, like one who is too curious in observing the labor of bees, will often be stung for his curiosity.

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.

‚Educational‘ refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

Academic qualifications are important and so is financial education. They’re both important and schools are forgetting one of them.

We are by nature observers, and thereby learners. That is our permanent state.

Experience is the teacher of all things.

You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Too often we act – ask our schools to be truant officers, our teachers to be truant officers, because we’re giving them children who have, you know, they’re not ready to learn. And if they’re not ready to learn by the third grade, they know they’re behind.

In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and to the young, it comes with bitterest agony because it takes them unawares. I have had experience enough to know what I say.

There are many men who are forgotten, who are despised, and who are trampled on by their fellows, but there never was a man who was so despised as the everlasting God has been!

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.

Ice-cream is exquisite – what a pity it isn’t illegal.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.

There can never be any stop to learn about different cultures by travelling to different places. And whatever comes your way, continue the healthy eating habits.

When men are easy in their circumstances, they are naturally enemies to innovations.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

More people should read books. It’s the most concentrated experience you can have.

People may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial ‚we.‘

I should be a postage stamp, because that’s the only way I’ll ever get licked. I’m beautiful. I’m fast. I’m so mean I make medicine sick. I can’t possibly be beat.

My experience is listen, see, feel – and then think about what you change.

Some men have a necessity to be mean, as if they were exercising a faculty which they had to partially neglect since early childhood.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.

There is not a sprig of grass that shoots uninteresting to me.

Education must provide the opportunities for self-fulfillment; it can at best provide a rich and challenging environment for the individual to explore, in his own way.

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

The highest result of education is tolerance.

You learn a lot in life but there are a lot of tools and resources in school that help you grow professionally and personally for whatever goal you may want to achieve.

A capacity, and taste, for reading gives access to whatever has already been discovered by others.

What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books.

Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A child miseducated is a child lost.

I have total recall. I remember being born. I remember being in the womb, I remember being inside. Coming out was great.

When I’m on stage, it’s really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It’s funny how different it looks and how it’s happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I’m going to get a bagel.

In 7th grade, I believe, I wrote my first rap song. It was about everything I was seeing, everything that was going on around me.

I’ve learned people are watching, so don’t do nothing stupid.

In ‚Gran Torino,‘ I play a guy who’s racially offensive. But he learned. It shows that you’re never too old to learn and embrace people that you don’t understand to begin with. It seems like nobody else got that message, I guess.

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Remember that no relationship is a total waste of time. You can always learn something about yourself.

The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.

Men rise from one ambition to another: first, they seek to secure themselves against attack, and then they attack others.

As long as I’m learning something, I figure I’m OK – it’s a decent day.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.