The second time around, I’ll understand that, as a husband, my wife doesn’t care about my opinions. I just need to tell her the things that will continue to help me stack the brownie points.

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.

Often, I can scarcely hear any one speaking to me; the tones yes, but not the actual words; yet as soon as any one shouts, it is unbearable. What will come of all this, heaven only knows!

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

The fact is that people are good, Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information.

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

Single life is so overrated.

Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.

It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.

I’m the kind of person who needs to feel like everything happens for a reason. When you date a guy and it goes badly, that’s horrible. But if you can write a song about it, then it was worth it.

Without tact you can learn nothing.

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.

‚No comment‘ is a splendid expression. I am using it again and again.

I’ll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They’re too much fun.

I’m more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.

A person once asked me, in a provocative manner, if I approved of homosexuality. I replied with another question: ‚Tell me: when God looks at a gay person, does he endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?‘ We must always consider the person.

Life cannot subsist in society but by reciprocal concessions.

If you insist upon fighting to protect me, or ‚our‘ country, let it be understood soberly and rationally between us that you are fighting to gratify a sex instinct which I cannot share; to procure benefits where I have not shared and probably will not share.

You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent.

I’ve done the bad-boy thing. It was fun for a good three months. But the thing about bad boys is, you have to keep in mind, you’re never gonna marry a bad boy.

I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.

It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other.

When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain.

Those Marriages generally abound most with Love and Constancy, that are preceded by a long Courtship.

No matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.

If you can speak what you will never hear, if you can write what you will never read, you have done rare things.

We do not judge the people we love.

Eloquence is a painting of the thoughts.

Never speak to an invalid from behind, nor from the door, nor from any distance from him, nor when he is doing anything. The official politeness of servants in these things is so grateful to invalids, that many prefer, without knowing why, having none but servants about them.

I particularly like Twitter, because it’s short and can be very funny and informative. It’s a little bit like having your own radio program.

It took Simone a long time to understand why people want Daddy’s autograph. I’d tell her, and my wife would tell her, too, ‚People see Daddy in the movies, and they are excited to meet him.‘ But she couldn’t really grasp it.

One who deceives will always find those who allow themselves to be deceived.

No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding.

Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not. The church is going to have to become the conscience of the free market if it’s to have any meaning in this world – and stop being its apologist.

Those who cannot understand how to put their thoughts on ice should not enter into the heat of debate.

When I tell a child something the first time, I’m nice. The 15th time, I start to get aggravated.

We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.

If I love you, I show you I love you every day. Little things, big things.

To understand the power of the priesthood, we must know its limitations.

Speeches that are measured by the hour will die with the hour.

Language is a weapon of politicians, but language is a weapon in much of human affairs.

You always admire what you really don’t understand.

Man’s enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself.

It’s a fact that more people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting and would like to do more in this field.

They are resilient children, but they are children, and as much as they need help to understand the hard truths in life, they also need what we all need – protection and love.

Every once in a while I get the highly inappropriate proposal which is like, ‚Wow, Really! You don’t even know me and I don’t know you at all, and you want that to happen? Tonight? Ok, I get off work at 7.30.‘

It’s never happened in history that every region in the world could affect every other region simultaneously. The Roman empire and the Chinese empire didn’t know much about each other and had no means of interacting. Now we have every continent able to reach every other.

Self-interest is the enemy of all true affection.

If you make listening and observation your occupation you will gain much more than you can by talk.

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

The love we give away is the only love we keep.

Just talk to me as a father – not what the Constitution says. What do you feel?

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

The wisest hustler can suddenly fall for the worst tramp and lose all of his money on her. The hustler is aware of his own weaknesses and openings to con. This awareness is his edge.

If you believe in science, like I do, you believe that there are certain laws that are always obeyed.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

If you deny people their own voice, you’ll have no idea of who they were.

If you can’t answer a man’s arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.