The celebrity-chef thing, even at its worst, its most annoying, its silliest, its goofiest, its most egregious and cynical, has been a good thing.

Hollywood has a way of making everything seem like an overnight success.

My goal is to entertain myself and others.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, and that’s education.

Jesters do often prove prophets.

Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.

Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.

Nothing feels better than going onstage and everybody is singing every word – and actually wanting to see you.

I sell escapism.

Stand-up is hard.

People get a kick out of my stupidity.

You see some of the weirdest people in Detroit casinos.

We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.

I think television has had a vast, unbelievable impact on us.

I’m mainstream.

I don’t like celebrities; I don’t hang out with them; I don’t relate to that life.

I am a chef who happens to appear on the telly, that’s it.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

There’s nothing funnier than the human animal.

Chefs are fond of hyperbole, so they can certainly talk that way. But on the whole, I think they probably have a more open mind than most people.

I am a giant proponent of giant screens. But I accept the fact that most of my movies are going to be seen on phones.

Acting is the perfect idiot’s profession.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war – for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I’d say we deserve ours more.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night – and I’d dream about it being me.

At the end of the day, the TV show is the best job in the world. I get to go anywhere I want, eat and drink whatever I want. As long as I just babble at the camera, other people will pay for it. It’s a gift.

I guess any movie actor can become a role model for audiences out there who enjoy him.

I don’t know how the rap game is, because I’m a fan of reality, and the rap game’s entertainment.

I sent out a tweet, ‚Dancing with the Stars‘ should stop the jibber jabber. They shouldn’t make the departure of a dancer so tear jerky because nobody’s going to war.

My opinion can be completely different after a show.

I know that if I had a television in my flat I would convince myself that everything on it was really interesting. I would say, ‚I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!‘ is so sociologically fascinating that I think I’d better watch.

Movies are fun, but they are no cure for cancer.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

The tradition of the South is not urban… I think we are a region of storytellers, naturally, just from our tribal instincts. We did not have the pleasures of the theater or the dance, motion pictures when they came along. We simply entertain each other by talking.

Music was an experience, intimately married to your life. You could pay to hear music, but after you did, it was over, gone – a memory.

People don’t want drama 365 days a year. I’m a sense of relief; it’s my job to take your mind off what’s bad for that brief second you’re in the room with me, regardless of shape, race, colour or anything. It brings people together, and it makes me feel good about what I’m doing.

The sound and music are 50% of the entertainment in a movie.

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don’t really think most people really understand what they’ve seen.

Much of everyday life is filled with opportunities to be distracted. Our possessions… entertainment… cares and anxieties… and even the passionate desire and pursuit of things, some good and not so good, can keep our minds and hearts caught up in a flurry of activity.

I make pop culture.

I work hard for the audience. It’s entertainment. I don’t need validation.

Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I’d make one that I can’t get yelled at for.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I love Steve Carell.

I learned how important it is to entertain people and give them a reason to come and watch you play.

‚The Simpsons‘ appearances were great fun. But I don’t take them too seriously. I think ‚The Simpsons‘ have treated my disability responsibly.

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.

Stand-up is my baby.

I think the thing we see is that as people are using video games more, they tend to watch passive TV a bit less. And so using the PC for the Internet, playing video games, is starting to cut into the rather unbelievable amount of time people spend watching TV.

And I love a scary movie. It makes your toes curl and it’s not you going through it.

The one thing about the business of entertainment is that you have to learn patience.

I prefer to be in a video than to play with it.

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I’m doing new stuff all the time.

I do love the films I’ve done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and we’re trying to make people laugh and I’m very proud of that.

Those movies sure got me into a rut.

The Kobe craze really annoyed me. Most of the practitioners had no real understanding of the product and were abusing it and exploiting it in terrible and ridiculous ways. Kobe beef should not be used in a hamburger. It’s completely pointless.

I do admire Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen, but I’m a philistine. I like the good life too much; I’m not good at going on stage night after night and on wet Wednesday afternoons.