He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles DickensI don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody AllenFrazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the U.S. Bureau of Wild Life.
Muhammad AliSuppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Mark TwainPeople use irony as a defense mechanism.
David ByrneWhy don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
Will RogersEverything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.
Karl LagerfeldI’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody AllenSarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.
Fyodor DostoevskyGod made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark TwainSome sarcasm is best told simply.
Kevin HartLet me state the obvious. Illegal immigration is illegal, duh.
John KennedyI’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.
David BowieI would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
George Bernard ShawI don’t like magic – but I have been known to make guys disappear.
Mr. TSarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.
Thomas CarlyleThe Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.
Adam SandlerWell, to the people who pray for me to not only have an agonising death, but then be reborn to have an agonising and horrible eternal life of torture, I say, ‚Well, good on you. See you there.‘
Christopher HitchensI may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston ChurchillA politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
E. E. CummingsThere may be a great fire in our hearts, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.
Vincent Van GoghYou look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Henny YoungmanWit is the lowest form of humor.
Alexander Pope