Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.

The most dangerous criminal now is the entirely lawless modern philosopher. Compared to him, burglars and bigamists are essentially moral men.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

We have wasted History like a bunch of drunks shooting dice back in the men’s crapper of the local bar.

The feeling of friendship is like that of being comfortably filled with roast beef; love, like being enlivened with champagne.

Concede that the new government of Louisiana is only to what it should be, as the egg is to the fowl; we shall sooner have the fowl by hatching the egg than by smashing it.

Home life is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukaemia with leeches.

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

One word from the Lord is like a piece of gold to a believer, who is like a jeweler, shaping and hammering out the promise for a number of weeks.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Making music is like shopping for me. Every song is like a new pair of shoes.

Persistence is to the character of man as carbon is to steel.

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.

Reactionaries often describe both Marx and Lenin as theorists, without taking into consideration that their utopias inspired Russia and China – the two countries called upon to lead a new world which will allow for human survival if imperialism does not first unleash a criminal, exterminating war.

That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees.

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.

Life’s a rollercoaster. You’re up one minute; you’re down one minute. But who doesn’t like rollercoasters?

Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender.

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.

A lot of people think international relations is like a game of chess. But it’s not a game of chess, where people sit quietly, thinking out their strategy, taking their time between moves. It’s more like a game of billiards, with a bunch of balls clustered together.

O wise man! Give your wealth only to the worthy and never to others. The water of the sea received by the clouds is always sweet.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

The life of an uneducated man is as useless as the tail of a dog which neither covers its rear end, nor protects it from the bites of insects.

What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.

Cutting the deficit by gutting our investments in innovation and education is like lightening an overloaded airplane by removing its engine. It may make you feel like you’re flying high at first, but it won’t take long before you feel the impact.

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still.

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Rebellion without truth is like spring in a bleak, arid desert.

There’s different kinds of laughs. It’s like a baseball lineup: this guy’s your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we’re gonna win.

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Painting, I think it’s like jazz.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That’s the way the mind of man operates.

Music is not math. It’s science. You keep mixing the stuff up until it blows up on you, or it becomes this incredible potion.

Every time I hear a politician mention the word ‚stimulus,‘ my mind flashes back to high school biology class, when I touched battery wires to a dead frog to make it twitch.

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful than Thor with his hammer. The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.

A correct answer is like an affectionate kiss.

The Church is like a great tree whose roots must be energetically anchored in the earth while its leaves are serenely exposed to the bright sunlight. In this way, she sums up a whole gamut of beats in a single living and all-embracing act, each one of which corresponds to a particular degree or a possible form of spiritualisation.

Software substitution, whether it’s for drivers or waiters or nurses – it’s progressing. Technology over time will reduce demand for jobs, particularly at the lower end of skill set.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

I tell people, and it’s the truth, I could sit in my garage for a week and it won’t make me a car. And you can sit in church till your bottom is flat and that won’t make you a servant of Christ.

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.

I tend to approach things from a physics framework. And physics teaches you to reason from first principles rather than by analogy.

Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don’t see what goes on underground – as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don’t see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree.

A man who says that no patriot should attack the war until it is over… is saying no good son should warn his mother of a cliff until she has fallen.

Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish – too much handling will spoil it.

A statesman who confines himself to popular legislation – or, for the matter of that, a playwright who confines himself to popular plays – is like a blind man’s dog who goes wherever the blind man pulls him, on the ground that both of them want to go to the same place.

I guess if I’m a product, either you’re chocolate, you’re vanilla or you’re butterscotch. You can’t be all three.

The infectiousness of crime is like that of the plague.

As you heat the planet up, it’s just like boiling a pot.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

He who loves practice without theory is like the sailor who boards ship without a rudder and compass and never knows where he may cast.

Writers are lampposts and critics are dogs. Ask lampposts what they think about dogs. Does the dog hurt the lamppost?

Life would pall if it were all sugar; salt is bitter if taken by itself; but when tasted as part of the dish, it savours the meat. Difficulties are the salt of life.