Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Me is a common sense man. That mean when me explain things, me explain it in a very simple way; that mean if I explain it to a baby, the baby will understand too, you know.

In oratory the will must predominate.

I don’t hate women – they just sometimes make me mad.

A fundamentalist can’t bring himself or herself to negotiate with people who disagree with them because the negotiating process itself is an indication of implied equality.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‚Did you sleep good?‘ I said ‚No, I made a few mistakes.‘

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him.

Frank and explicit – that is the right line to take when you wish to conceal your own mind and confuse the minds of others.

You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say.

Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words.

Language is the dress of thought.

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood.

I don’t think people are going to talk in the future. They’re going to communicate through eye contact, body language, emojis, signs.

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

It’s not a slam at you when people are rude, it’s a slam at the people they’ve met before.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

I’m grateful for the opportunities God gave me to minister to people in high places; people in power have spiritual and personal needs like everyone else, and often they have no one to talk to.

I did my utmost to ensure that everyone below me in the chain of command felt comfortable approaching me with concerns, ideas, thoughts, and even disagreements.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

The more you are talked about the less powerful you are.

Tell the audience what you’re going to say, say it; then tell them what you’ve said.

Silence is one of the great arts of conversation.

I maintain that, if everyone knew what others said about him, there would not be four friends in the world.

I didn’t just invent saying offensive things.

Skype actually does get a fair bit of revenue.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine, a possession for all time.

I like it when someone tells me ‚I don’t agree.‘ This is a true collaborator. When they say ‚Oh, how great, how great, how great,‘ that’s not useful.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.

Next to doing the right thing, the most important thing is to let people know you are doing the right thing.

When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it’s like giving them emotional oxygen.

A mother defends herself with a heart filled with love before doing so with words. I wonder whether there is any love for the church in the hearts of those who pay so much attention to the scandals.

A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still: you must not want to see everything.

When you’re drowning, you don’t say ‚I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,‘ you just scream.

All men hate the nagging.

In honorable dealing you should consider what you intended, not what you said or thought.

After one has been in prison, it is the small things that one appreciates: being able to take a walk whenever one wants, going into a shop and buying a newspaper, speaking or choosing to remain silent. The simple act of being able to control one’s person.

Step with care and great tact, and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.

Men govern nothing with more difficulty than their tongues, and can moderate their desires more than their words.

I sent one e-mail in my life. I sent it to Jeff Raikes at Microsoft, and it ended up in court in Minneapolis, so I am one for one.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

The essence of lying is in deception, not in words.

Charm is a way of getting the answer ‚Yes‘ without asking a clear question.

Writing and cookery are just two different means of communication.

We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold toward them.

Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel. They’ll tell you.

Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper.

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish.

Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Wisdom has its root in goodness, not goodness its root in wisdom.

The second time around, I’ll understand that, as a husband, my wife doesn’t care about my opinions. I just need to tell her the things that will continue to help me stack the brownie points.

I don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance.

Clean fighting solves everything. It ends all bad blood and any ill feelings people have. That’s my thoughts.

An inability to handle language is not the same thing as stupidity.

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.