People say I look so happy – and I say, ‚That’s the Botox.‘

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below.

The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things.

Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.

Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.

Every once in a while I get the highly inappropriate proposal which is like, ‚Wow, Really! You don’t even know me and I don’t know you at all, and you want that to happen? Tonight? Ok, I get off work at 7.30.‘

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.

Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.

Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind.

Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.

Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.

Are you laboring under the impression that I read these memoranda of yours? I can’t even lift them.

The longer I live, the more I feel that true repose consists in ‚renouncing‘ one’s own self, by which I mean making up one’s mind to admit that there is no importance whatever in being ‚happy‘ or ‚unhappy‘ in the usual meaning of the words.

Your joy comes from how you think, the choices that we make in life.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.

When I die, I’m gonna leave my body to science fiction.

Fight with a happy heart.

The happiness of this life depends less on what befalls you than the way in which you take it.

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.

The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.

If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ‚em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‚O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.‘ And God granted it.

In judging of a beautiful statue, the aesthetic faculty is absolutely and completely gratified by the splendid curves of those marble lips that are dumb to our complaint, the noble modelling of those limbs that are powerless to help us.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.

It is easier to feel than to realize, or in any way explain, Yosemite grandeur. The magnitudes of the rocks and trees and streams are so delicately harmonized, they are mostly hidden.

The events that I have attended to mark my Diamond Jubilee have been a humbling experience. It has touched me deeply to see so many thousands of families, neighbors and friends celebrating together in such a happy atmosphere.

We require from buildings two kinds of goodness: first, the doing their practical duty well: then that they be graceful and pleasing in doing it.

The death of a beautiful woman, is unquestionably the most poetical topic in the world.

I get that racism exists, but it’s not a catalyst for my content. I don’t need to talk about race to have material. My style of comedy is more self-deprecating. I think that makes me more relatable. When you deal with ‚topics‘ – race, white versus black – you’re not separating from the pack. You’re doing what everybody else is doing.

Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.

I don’t care how many beauty treatments you have, I don’t care which bag you’re carrying – you have to have a dress.

Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected.

The more I see of deer, the more I admire them as mountaineers. They make their way into the heart of the roughest solitudes with smooth reserve of strength, through dense belts of brush and forest encumbered with fallen trees and boulder piles, across canons, roaring streams, and snow-fields, ever showing forth beauty and courage.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

Particularly Instagram, people look like they have a much better life than they really do. People basically seem like they are way better-looking than they really are, and they are way happier-seeming than they really are.

Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.

What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny.

I don’t write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

A person who can’t pay gets another person who can’t pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don’t make either of them able to do a walking-match.

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Recommend virtue to your children; it alone, not money, can make them happy. I speak from experience.

Beauty in distress is much the most affecting beauty.

Here ends my forever memorable first High Sierra excursion. I have crossed the Range of Light, surely the brightest and best of all the Lord has built. And, rejoicing in its glory, I gladly, gratefully, hopefully pray I may see it again.

The artist forges himself to the others, midway between the beauty he cannot do without and the community he cannot tear himself away from. That is why true artists scorn nothing: they are obliged to understand rather than to judge.

Girls are soft and pretty.

People should pursue what they’re passionate about. That will make them happier than pretty much anything else.

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

Beauty and femininity are ageless and can’t be contrived, and glamour, although the manufacturers won’t like this, cannot be manufactured. Not real glamour; it’s based on femininity.

To witness two lovers is a spectacle for the gods.

Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you’re the funniest person you’ve ever heard of.

There is something curiously boring about somebody else’s happiness.

A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring storm, waving, swirling, tossing their branches in glorious enthusiasm like worship. But though to the outer ear these trees are now silent, their songs never cease.

My friends ask me if I want more kids, and I always say yes, I want more; it’s the best thing you can have in your life.