One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable.

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.

When I was a youngster I lived with different families. I nearly always felt closer to the man of the house. Maybe because I always dreamed of having a father of my own.

I don’t have time to be lonely. And I get fearful of relationships because I feel guilty about wanting someone to be completely faithful and loyal, when I can’t even give them 10 percent of the attention that they need. It’s just the reality of my time, my life, my schedule.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

You can’t have a relationship with a device whose limits are unknown to you, because without limits, it keeps becoming something else.

Accident counts for as much in companionship as in marriage.

In the real world, children love me.

Happiness is a hard master, particularly other people’s happiness.

Yes, sir, no, sir, clock in, clock out. Why were you late? Why are you not in today? That’s not how humans are supposed to live.

For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

If you have fear, you are bound by tradition, you follow some leader or guru. When you are bound by tradition, when you are afraid of your husband or your wife, you lose your dignity as an individual human being.

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

If I’m gonna write songs about my exes, they can write songs about me. That’s how it works.

Disagreement is something normal.

For how many things, which for our own sake we should never do, do we perform for the sake of our friends.

The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.

I love us so incredibly, insanely deeply; it’s almost unbearable to see what we do to ourselves.

Love can do much, but duty more.

Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver.

I approach love differently now that I know it’s hard for it to work out.

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

I’ve done the bad-boy thing. It was fun for a good three months. But the thing about bad boys is, you have to keep in mind, you’re never gonna marry a bad boy.

You entertain people who are satisfied. Hungry people can’t be entertained – or people who are afraid. You can’t entertain a man who has no food.

The collective unconscious consists of the sum of the instincts and their correlates, the archetypes. Just as everybody possesses instincts, so he also possesses a stock of archetypal images.

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.

There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other.

Women. They are a complete mystery.

To be clear: we have fights and problems like any other couple.

When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless.

As a child, I wanted to know how things worked and to control them. With a friend, I built a number of complicated models that I could control.

The feeling of friendship is like that of being comfortably filled with roast beef; love, like being enlivened with champagne.

I made my first white women friends in college; they loved me and were loyal to our friendship, but I understood, as they did, that they were white women and that whiteness mattered.

A lot of the time when I write about the person that I love, I feel like I’m writing about New York.

Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.

Then, when I’m in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it’s all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me.

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Religions, which condemn the pleasures of sense, drive men to seek the pleasures of power. Throughout history power has been the vice of the ascetic.

Sisters are brittle things. God was penurious with me, which makes me shrewd with Him. One is a dainty sum! One bird, one cage, one flight; one song in those far woods, as yet suspected by faith only!

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

I didn’t have a father figure in the house.

I have noticed… that men usually leave married women alone and are inclined to treat all wives with respect. This is no great credit to married women.

Women may fall when there’s no strength in men.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Men are by nature merely indifferent to one another; but women are by nature enemies.

I’ve known Ben Stiller for a minute. One of my first movies was ‚Along Came Polly.‘

I can’t go out with a Republican.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

I’m just a friendly person; that runs in my family.

So live with men as if God saw you and speak to God, as if men heard you.

Marriage is the death of hope.

There are always people always asking you for something. But I feel like I have a foundation. I have a supporting cast where it doesn’t bother me too much.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

If you get down and quarell everyday, you’re saying prayers to the devil, I say.

When the people you love are gone, you’re alone.

I mean, people aren’t continuing like this and not doing anything because they are evil, or because they don’t want to. We aren’t destroying the biosphere because we are selfish. We are doing it simply because we are unaware.