Of course, it does depend on the people, but sometimes I’m invited places to kind of brighten up a dinner table like a musician who’ll play the piano after dinner, and I know you’re not really invited for yourself. You’re just an ornament.

The reason I don’t tour is that I don’t know how to front a band. What would I do? I can’t really play anything well enough to deal with that situation.

One of the powerful temptations is that of the cinema palace. The cinema has undoubtedly an enormous attraction for boys, and people are constantly cudgelling their brains how to stop it. But it is one of those things which would be very difficult to stop even if it were altogether desirable.

Stand-up comedy is mine: it’s my entity; it’s my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it.

‚Kitchen Confidential‘ wasn’t a cautionary or an expose. I wrote it as an entertainment for New York tri-state area line cooks and restaurant lifers, basically; I had no expectation that it would move as far west as Philadelphia.

The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‚Oh no, it’s on the house.‘

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.

Maybe I’ll give Broadway a try. But you know what would be great? Hosting the Oscars. I promise you, that would be a show no one forgot.

If it weren’t for the Beatles, I would not be a musician.

When Jerry Springer thinks you’ve gone too far, my friends, you have gone too far.

‚Star Wars‘ is fun, its exciting, its inspirational, and people respond to that. It’s what they want.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

There’s something about being in front of a live audience that’s fun. It’s a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can’t get it anywhere else. And I’ve been doing it since I was 23, so it’s part of my being – it’s part of my fabric as a person.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Are we simply waving farewell to the days when some of the most interesting thinking in Europe and America came to us from our fiction film-makers? BBC2, which once introduced and showed great films, now shows none.

Human beings need stories, and we’re looking for them in all kinds of places; whether it’s television, whether it’s comic books or movies, radio plays, whatever form, people are hungry for stories.

A musician should only sound like what they do, and no two musicians sound the same. It’s an individual-feel thing, you know?

Wrestling is intimate. You can reach out and touch the wrestlers.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

I’d love to go into WWE and have a real knock and see what’s what.

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I’m doing new stuff all the time.

If you check your ego at the door when it comes to comedy, you’ve got a pretty good shot at making a great movie that you can commit yourself to, you can jump off the proverbial cliff with, and have a great time, and the audiences respond to that.

Jesters do often prove prophets.

Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.

Man, I really like Vegas.

Basically, I live to do gigs.

My opinion can be completely different after a show.

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

I’ve always wanted to do a family movie.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn’t care to drink with, even if he drank.

I love WWE, and I love that platform. There is no other platform in the world that gives me that instant gratification. There is just no other platform.

We see our customers as invited guests to a party, and we are the hosts. It’s our job every day to make every important aspect of the customer experience a little bit better.

Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

That’s why I hate to get started in these jam sessions. I’m always the last one to leave.

No one sells a song better than the person that wrote it.

I do admire Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen, but I’m a philistine. I like the good life too much; I’m not good at going on stage night after night and on wet Wednesday afternoons.

I love to pop up at the movie theaters. I love to treat the people who are there.

It’s an endless proving of myself, that I really am a musician, that I have something to offer in the room. That women can be musicians, women can be rock stars, women can be more than an objectified idea of a pop star.

Bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age.

If you tell me there’s something I can’t do, I’ll want to do it even more. Especially when it comes to entertaining.

Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.

I enjoy driving on the sim, doing stuff like that, staying at home.

I’m a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys – movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.

My family is very good about visiting me, and other friends as well.

I do things I love doing. Sometimes that is maybe going out to have a drink with friends, going out partying or whatever.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don’t like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around.

The reason that I’m here at all is because of my relationship with my family and their encouragement of me to be a musician and to work hard. As long as I stay there in that space, I can do anything. That’s my truth.

Acting is the perfect idiot’s profession.

People are generally proud of their food. A willingness to eat and drink with people without fear and prejudice… they open up to you in ways that somebody visiting who is driven by a story may not get.

When you have good friends you’ve been around, every time they talk, you don’t give them your full attention. You don’t look them in the eye and stop. Half the time, you’re listening, half the time, you are ignoring them.

What can I say? I’m a talker.

At the end of the day, the TV show is the best job in the world. I get to go anywhere I want, eat and drink whatever I want. As long as I just babble at the camera, other people will pay for it. It’s a gift.

Even though I’m known as a pop musician, I have a seriousness about what I do.

Disneyland is the star, everything else is in the supporting role.