MySpace is my wife… Facebook is my mistress.

I think I have had so much blessing – I’ve had my brother, who was brilliant – I think my family came closest to making a genius when they made my brother – Bailey was just all of that. He loved me.

A friend is, as it were, a second self.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

I take my kids to school. And if I go to work, I go to work, and they visit me on set. I come home. I have dinner with my family. I have breakfast with my family. I have a very solid, very warm home.

If you’re serious, you really understand that it’s important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you’re the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you’re funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.

I think any man who lets a woman pick what he should wear… I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere as a man. I see these guys, ‚My wife told me to wear this!‘ And I just shake my head.

Whoever does not have a good father should procure one.

There are always people always asking you for something. But I feel like I have a foundation. I have a supporting cast where it doesn’t bother me too much.

I’m so old, I don’t buy green bananas any more.

Woman, or more precisely put, perhaps, marriage, is the representative of life with which you are meant to come to terms.

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income.

I am a bit of a solitude person – a solitary personality. I like being on my own. I don’t have any major friendships or relationships with people.

I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Since childhood, I’ve been a clown. I’ve always liked being very funny or trying to make people laugh. It’s my original self.

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.

Basically, when you get to my age, you’ll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

The only difference between Benito and Bad Bunny is 16 million followers on Instagram. And the money that Bad Bunny has in the bank. Benito had, like, $7. The numbers are different, but I’m still the same. Even my insecurities remain the same.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

The more successful I become, the more I need a man.

You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.

A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed.

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it’s absolutely true.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common therewith.

Some sarcasm is best told simply.

One of the most terrible feelings in the world is knowing that someone else doesn’t like you. Especially when you don’t know what you’ve done to deserve it.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

No matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.

It is really very important while you are young to live in an environment in which there is no fear. Most of us, as we grow older, become frightened; we are afraid of living, afraid of losing a job, afraid of tradition, afraid of what the neighbours, or what the wife or husband would say, afraid of death.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

I should be a postage stamp, because that’s the only way I’ll ever get licked. I’m beautiful. I’m fast. I’m so mean I make medicine sick. I can’t possibly be beat.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Dividers seek to make themselves look or feel better by making others feel worse. They damage relationships, fracture teams and organizations, and create havoc in people’s lives.

I think Facebook is an online directory for colleges… If I want to get information about you, I just go to TheFacebook, type in your name, and it hopefully pulls up all the information I’d care to know about you.

All you need is love.

Brad was a huge surprise to me. I think we were both the last two people who were looking for a relationship. I certainly wasn’t. I was quite content to be a single mom with Mad.

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

May we so love as never to have occasion to repent of our love!

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

I’m not denyin‘ the women are foolish. God Almighty made ‚em to match the men.

What we will do is we’ll say, ‚Okay, you have your page, and if you’re not trying to organize harm against someone, or attacking someone, then you can put up that content on your page, even if people might disagree with it or find it offensive.‘ But that doesn’t mean that we have a responsibility to make it widely distributed in News Feed.

I never promise anything. I don’t promise anything to my mum. I don’t promise anything to the supporters.

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.

It’s very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that’s not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It’s a gut feeling.

Remember that no relationship is a total waste of time. You can always learn something about yourself.

I’m very active on social media and see the huge impact it has on engaging with fans and being able to have a voice.

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle… and not just in the sense of money, by the way; the Beatles are untouchable – those billionaire reports are a joke.