My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

I very much believe the Internet is indeed all it is cracked up to be.

No one would talk much in society if they knew how often they misunderstood others.

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

It’s human nature to not say everything that’s on your mind at the time you think it. Because we fear saying something that people will laugh at, people will think is dumb. We’re afraid of being embarrassed.

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent.

The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don’t know if I’ll ever be as good a dad as my dad.

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they’ll have good voice boxes in case there’s ever anything really meaningful to say.

It’s never happened in history that every region in the world could affect every other region simultaneously. The Roman empire and the Chinese empire didn’t know much about each other and had no means of interacting. Now we have every continent able to reach every other.

When I was young, an eccentric uncle decided to teach me how to lie. Not, he explained, because he wanted me to lie, but because he thought I should know how it’s done so I would recognise when I was being lied to.

A yawn is a silent shout.

First thing I do in the morning, after I have my breakfast and do my spiritual work, is put on my makeup and fix my hair, and I can do my makeup in 15 minutes.

If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.

Songs for me are like a message in a bottle. You send them out to the world, and maybe the person who you feel that way about will hear about it someday.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‚Did you sleep good?‘ I said ‚No, I made a few mistakes.‘

I think we basically saw that the messaging space is bigger than we’d initially realized, and that the use cases that WhatsApp and Messenger have are more different than we had thought originally.

When you have nothing important or interesting to say, don’t let anyone persuade you to say it.

Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

A woman will doubt everything you say except it be compliments to herself.

‚Love Story‘ is actually about a guy that I almost dated. But when I introduced him to my family and my friends, they all said they didn’t like him. All of them!

Getting out of bed is like the foundation of the discipline, and I think it carries over into everything else.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

Money has a language of its own.

I loved writing for kids, I loved talking to children about what I’d written, I don’t want to leave that behind.

But the relationship of morality and power is a very subtle one. Because ultimately power without morality is no longer power.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

When I was in college I did a lot of stupid things and I don’t want to make an excuse for that. Some of the things that people accuse me of are true, some of them aren’t. There are pranks, IMs.

I don’t say very much I don’t really think through. I know that sounds inconsistent with Joe Biden.

Rational discussion is useful only when there is a significant base of shared assumptions.

It’s not a slam at you when people are rude, it’s a slam at the people they’ve met before.

I very rarely think in words at all. A thought comes, and I may try to express it in words afterwards.

When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out.

Put it this way: If I asked, ‚How’s business?‘ and you say, ‚Boomin‘ or ‚Amazing,‘ I already know the answer.

You don’t tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.

Silence is safer than speech.

The trend of opinion among eugenists is that we must make marriage more difficult. Certainly no one who is not a desirable parent should be permitted to produce progeny.

The only way I hear gossip is if it’s big enough and loud enough for my friends to bring it up to me. Or if it’s, like, a big untrue ordeal from my publicist – and she hates making that phone call!

You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.

Woe to the makers of literal translations, who by rendering every word weaken the meaning! It is indeed by so doing that we can say the letter kills and the spirit gives life.

I’m grateful for the opportunities God gave me to minister to people in high places; people in power have spiritual and personal needs like everyone else, and often they have no one to talk to.

My first phone was two tin cans tied together with string, and it worked pretty good.

To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

I’ve been a lot more into Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, which was a bit complicated for me to understand the language of each social media, because they all talk in different ways. It’s a nice way for me to tell people I appreciate them, which I forget to do sometimes.

Tell the children the truth.

Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.

Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it.

I do not, in fact, use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people’s memories for a while.

She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

When I talk to kids, I’m really listening. When I do that, we have a little bit of a bigger connection than me being Kendrick Lamar and you being a student. It’s almost like we’re friends. Because a friend listens.

The first magic of love is our ignorance that it can ever end.

My biggest hobby is hanging out with my family and kids.

I have found that no exertion of the legs can bring two minds much nearer to one another.

Language is an intrinsic part of who we are and what has, for good or evil, happened to us.

Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.

Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words.

Don’t ever call a guy first. The thing they want the most is whatever they can’t have. It sounds really juvenile, but it works.

Before I look stupid and not know what a word means or how to pronounce it, I’ll stop the whole production: ‚Hey, real quick, guys. Define this word for me. Somebody.‘

Never find fault with the absent.