Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

I was training to be an electrician. I suppose I got wired the wrong way round somewhere along the line.

There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.

My main concern is meeting with public because my main commitment, main interest is promotion of human value, human affection, compassion and religious harmony.

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.

It is better to be deceived by one’s friends than to deceive them.

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.

Time was when they that feared the Lord spake often to one another; I am afraid that now they more often speak one against another.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

Keeping score is for games, not friendships.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

Don’t get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects.

Men want to make women happy.

He who hath many friends hath none.

Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

I am getting to the point where the only love worth being in is the love worth singing about.

Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

You can write a song about being in love with someone, but you don’t have to be in love with anyone.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Have you not noticed that love is silence? It may be while holding the hand of another, or looking lovingly at a child, or taking in the beauty of an evening. Love has no past or future, and so it is with this extraordinary state of silence.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

It has always been my private conviction that any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish and loses had it coming.

The degree of one’s emotions varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts.

Patience is key for getting over a breakup. That, and trailing off your interaction after the breakup.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful where your own self-love might impair your judgment.

My kids are the funniest two human beings there are.

Does anybody really think that they didn’t get what they had because they didn’t have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?

The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.

I am a grafter.

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.

In our ecclesiastical region there are priests who don’t baptize the children of single mothers because they weren’t conceived in the sanctity of marriage. These are today’s hypocrites. Those who clericalize the church. Those who separate the people of God from salvation.

I take my kids to school. And if I go to work, I go to work, and they visit me on set. I come home. I have dinner with my family. I have breakfast with my family. I have a very solid, very warm home.

It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.

Marriage must be a relation either of sympathy or of conquest.

People until I was 60 would always say they thought I looked younger, which I think, without flattering myself, I did, but I think I certainly have, as George Orwell says people do after a certain age, the face they deserve.

I want someone who can trust that my big hands are going to take care of them.

I’ll tell you one thing, since I’m married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

I’m more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.

Every man needs slaves like he needs clean air. To rule is to breathe, is it not? And even the most disenfranchised get to breathe. The lowest on the social scale have their spouses or their children.

I try to be funny and not ignorant.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Love is the one wild card.

The man who has no imagination has no wings.

I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.

People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.

If you have fear, you are bound by tradition, you follow some leader or guru. When you are bound by tradition, when you are afraid of your husband or your wife, you lose your dignity as an individual human being.

When people get married young, you don’t really understand the true definition of marriage.

Since childhood, I’ve been a clown. I’ve always liked being very funny or trying to make people laugh. It’s my original self.

First, I want to pay tribute to Diana myself. She was an exceptional and gifted human being. In good times and bad, she never lost her capacity to smile and laugh, nor to inspire others with her warmth and kindness. I admired and respected her – for her energy and commitment to others, and especially for her devotion to her two boys.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.

When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.

Though lovers be lost, love shall not.

What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny.

The face of a lover is an unknown, precisely because it is invested with so much of oneself. It is a mystery, containing, like all mysteries, the possibility of torment.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.