Jim Cramer is a very smart man. I watch his show. I just do not follow his advice.

Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful where your own self-love might impair your judgment.

Counsel with your parents is a privilege at any age.

I never give advice unless someone asks me for it. One thing I’ve learned, and possibly the only advice I have to give, is to not be that person giving out unsolicited advice based on your own personal experience.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

If you young fellows were wise, the devil couldn’t do anything to you, but since you aren’t wise, you need us who are old.

We were on for six years. We were in syndication for a while. It had its run. I still see the people from ‚Mr. Belvedere,‘ too. We stay in touch.

I wish I could give you a lot of advice, based on my experience of winning political debates. But I don’t have that experience. My only experience is at losing them.

Most of the stuff I do on the show comes out of me just trying to make my friends laugh.

When befriended, remember it; when you befriend, forget it.

I’ve been invited to do ‚Dancing With the Stars‘ three times, but Lifetime said no.

An author ought to write for the youth of his own generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterwards.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!

SNL is a home. You’ve got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it’s a great time.

Learn to invest in investments where you can achieve an honest, legal advantage over other investors. When it comes to investing, why play on a level field?

Wide diversification is only required when investors do not understand what they are doing.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

One pillar to wealth is having residual income.

If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.

Listen to many, speak to a few.

The first step, my son, which one makes in the world, is the one on which depends the rest of our days.

Money and investing can be complex, confusing, and often boring subjects.

Be sincere; be brief; be seated.

I think any statement about stock prices is always suspect unless it’s made by Warren Buffett.

He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped.

One of the reasons so many people get burned in the market is because they start buying as they see prices going up.

General consultant to mankind.

I haven’t been faithful to my own advice in the past. I will in the future.

Dude, maybe not everyone loves ‚Glee.‘ Me included. I watched 10 minutes and it wasn’t my thing.

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice, I would have English Channels round every country. And the atmosphere would be such that anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.

I remember talking with Arcade Fire after their first record, when they were getting all kinds of offers from major labels, and I don’t think I gave them any advice. They survived that whole onslaught pretty well anyway without me.

Our favorite holding period is forever.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.

I will say this: one of the things that is a pain when you’re expecting children is how much advice unsolicited people give you when you’re not asking for it.

Giving should be entered into in just the same way as investing. Giving is investing.

In business or in life, don’t follow the wagon tracks too closely.

No one wants advice – only corroboration.

All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school – my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program.

It’s far better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price than a fair company at a wonderful price.

No one can give you better advice than yourself.

Finding good partners is the key to success in anything: in business, in marriage and, especially, in investing.

Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.

As president, you can get all kinds of advice from all kinds of people. But at the end of the day, when it comes time to make that decision, as president, all you have to guide you are your values and your vision and the life experiences that make you who you are.

Judges ought to be more leaned than witty, more reverent than plausible, and more advised than confident. Above all things, integrity is their portion and proper virtue.

Most people who ask for advice from others have already resolved to act as it pleases them.

There are people who want to make men’s lives more difficult for no other reason than the chance it provides them afterwards to offer their prescription for alleviating life; their Christianity, for instance.

My show ‚The Big House‘ was picked up; they flew me to New York. I’m about to step on stage to announce Kevin Hart’s ‚The Big House.‘ And a hand grabs my shoulder, ‚Kevin no, they just decided to cancel it.‘ It’s a serious smack-in-the-face business, and either you can take it, or you can’t.

If I can give you one strong piece of advice, when you go away for that romantic weekend, whatever you do, do not accept or take the upgrade to the honeymoon suite.

When you make a TV show, they always say you’re a guest in someone’s home. Online, you’re a guest in someone’s face. So that’s why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I’m in your face.

The best advice comes from people who don’t give advice.

During the Enron debacle, it was workers who took the pounding, not bankers. Not only did Enron employees lose their jobs, many lost their retirement savings. That’s because they were at the bottom of the investing food chain.

He that hath knowledge spareth his words.

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.

Every time I plant a seed, He say kill it before it grow, he say kill it before they grow.

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.

Many U.S. investors are already investing overseas rather than at home.

The worst men often give the best advice.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.