It’s sometimes comical to hear the younger generation ask their peers to repeat themselves.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

I feel like I was writing as I was learning to talk. Writing was always a go-to form of communication. And I knew I could sing from being in tune with the radio.

I’ve had moments when I’ve thought about somebody, picked up the phone to call them and they are on the line already, and I think that maybe there’s some vibration, some connection.

As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

What makes us human, I think, is an ability to ask questions, a consequence of our sophisticated spoken language.

I have an urge to communicate. I think I’m a change from what it would be like dating a normal guy who doesn’t talk too much.

I didn’t just invent saying offensive things.

The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned. When you hear a lot of talk about it, it’s usually lousy.

Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.

We think when God speaks to us, there’s going to be a boom out of Heaven or we’re going to get some chill bumps, but I really believe God’s talking to us all the time. He’s talking to us right in here. I call it our heart, our conscience, but it’s the Holy Spirit talking to us.

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.

The most successful politician is he who says what the people are thinking most often in the loudest voice.

Being a good listener is absolutely critical to being a good leader; you have to listen to the people who are on the front line.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

Quarrel? Nonsense; we have not quarreled. If one is not to get into a rage sometimes, what is the good of being friends?

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

After one has been in prison, it is the small things that one appreciates: being able to take a walk whenever one wants, going into a shop and buying a newspaper, speaking or choosing to remain silent. The simple act of being able to control one’s person.

You could imagine a language exactly like English except it doesn’t have connectives like ‚and‘ that allow you to make longer expressions. An infant learning truncated English would have no idea about this: They would just pick it up as they would standard English.

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

Politics is applesauce.

Words are more treacherous and powerful than we think.

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy… and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, be fortified by it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.

If you spend your life competing with business men, what do you have? A bank account and ulcers!

Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is ‚elephant‘.

I do all my own stunts. I’m kidding.

But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.

Most people wouldn’t know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.

It’s very hard for our parents who see us enter a world that they can’t imagine.

Why can’t I just eat my waffle?

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.

Sincere words are not fine; fine words are not sincere.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‚Yes,‘ you know he is a crook.

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

I think we’re still in a muddle with our language, because once you get words and a spoken language it gets harder to communicate.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

When I tell a child something the first time, I’m nice. The 15th time, I start to get aggravated.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Whoever the coach is, my job is to talk to him, understand him and be a better player under him and give my best.

I guess every single word I’ve ever said is going to be dissected now.

To assert in any case that a man must be absolutely cut off from society because he is absolutely evil amounts to saying that society is absolutely good, and no-one in his right mind will believe this today.

I’ve got a great sense of humor.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the U.S. Bureau of Wild Life.

We’re not trying to make you less of a man. We just want you to love us as deeply and as wholesomely and as fully as we love you.

When people laugh at Mickey Mouse, it’s because he’s so human; and that is the secret of his popularity.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Prayer is simply a two-way conversation between you and God.

It was that famous joke: What’s the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? ‚Hey, I wrote a song.‘

When we launched a new company, I reviewed the ads and marketing materials and asked those presenting the campaign to read everything aloud to test the phrasing and concept. If I could grasp it quickly, then it passed with muster. We would get our message across only if it was understandable at first glance.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.

Good leaders must communicate vision clearly, creatively, and continually. However, the vision doesn’t come alive until the leader models it.