It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you.

I think one of the great things about the United States has been our ability to maintain a distinction between our military and domestic law enforcement.

Is there a sharper commentary on American culture and the world than The Simpsons?

My brother Bob doesn’t want to be in government – he promised Dad he’d go straight.

In comedy, my strengths are improvisation.

I am never going to have anything more to do with politics or politicians. When this war is over I shall confine myself entirely to writing and painting.

We are all the President’s men.

It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a Free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even of his personal services to the defense of it.

The truth of the matter is that Iran is a cancer.

The FBI should not be a political body.

I will never retire from politics, the revolution, or the ideas I have.

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.

There has come into being a kind of a Shia belt from Tehran through Baghdad to Beirut. And this gives Iran the opportunity to reconstruct the ancient Persian Empire – this time under the Shia label.

I’m sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

I have a reputation for taking on governors a lot more powerful than me.

The United States tyrannizes and pillages the globalized world with its political, economic, technological, and military might.

The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage business.

Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame.

Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.

Taking care of children has nothing to do with politics. I think perhaps with time, instead of there being a politicization of humanitarian aid, there will be a humanization of politics.

It is the duty of the President to propose and it is the privilege of the Congress to dispose.

I’m a big believer than a great bit is a great bit – if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they’re beautiful things when they’re done.

There’s no doubt that usually a president’s public image is enhanced by going to war. That never did appeal to me.

Kathleen Wynne and her band of radical-left cronies think they have a handle on what constitutes human identity and also what should constitute human morality. And I think that that’s being pushed in a manner in schools that’s completely reprehensible. It’s not education, in my estimation. It’s a form of indoctrination.

If somebody’s dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they’re going to have to take what they get.

I’ve been doing comedy longer than I haven’t been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on ‚The Tonight Show.‘ There’s truly nothing like it; it’s intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.

Turkey must find its place if, of course, it can heal its internal sores, and none is more malignant than the perennial Kurdish issue.

I can’t really criticize the Tea Party people, because I came into the White House pretty much on the same basis that they have become popular. That is dissatisfaction with the way things are going in Washington and disillusionment and disencouragement about the government.

A very large majority of the U.S. population is in favor of establishing diplomatic relations with Cuba and has been for a long time with some fluctuations. And even part of the business world is in favor of it, too. But the government won’t allow it.

I don’t think comedy will ever die.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

I am in politics because of the conflict between good and evil, and I believe that in the end good will triumph.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

And I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together.

I don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance.

As a matter of fact, I didn’t make a political speech outside of my state for 20 years.

Every family should have the right to spend their money, after tax, as they wish, and not as the government dictates. Let us extend choice, extend the will to choose and the chance to choose.

I despise people who go to the gutter on either the right or the left and hurl rocks at those in the center.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

This is pure speculation, but for a period of time, a lot of getting into a party was through fundraising and volunteer work, and Republican women had more time to do that than democratic women, who were out there getting jobs.

It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it.

When Reagan left office, he was the most unpopular living president, apart from Nixon, even below Carter. If you look at his years in office, he was not particularly popular. He was more or less average. He severely harmed the American economy.

A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned.

Where there is a free government, and the people make their own laws by their representatives, I see no injustice in their obliging one another to take their own paper money.

It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.

When I was president, I announced and I still maintain that I can live with Roe v. Wade. I did everything I possibly could as president under that ruling, which I don’t think ought to be changed, to minimize the need for abortions. I think every abortion is a result of a horrible series of errors on the part of people involved.

Nationalism has a way of oppressing others.

Artists have a responsibility to speak and to act when governments fail, and if we don’t do that, we really deserve the world we get.

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president… is morally treasonable to the American public.

There are some members of the House leadership whose only mission in life is to demonize the president.

Politics and the pulpit are terms that have little agreement.

George Bush made a mistake when he referred to the Saddam Hussein regime as ‚evil.‘ Every liberal and leftist knows how to titter at such black-and-white moral absolutism.

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples‘ money.

The President’s post should not be politicised. Once a president is elected, he is above politics.

I’ll continue to make the typical Adam Sandler comedies.

If men were angels, no government would be necessary.

I’m personally a moderate and a registered independent, so I’m not strongly Democratic or strongly Republican.

I don’t want to express my opinion about actual politics, because if I do, I have to be responsible for my decision.

Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is.

I’ll assure you this: I will have nothing to do with politics.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.