It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.

It is just as important that business keep out of government as that government keep out of business.

What I worry about would be that you essentially have two chambers, the House and the Senate, but you have simply, majoritarian, absolute power on either side. And that’s just not what the founders intended.

A right delayed is a right denied.

I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Regimes planted by bayonets do not take root.

Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.

The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We’ve all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we’ve all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that’s a gift – to you and your audience.

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it’s absolutely true.

Fidel Castro, whatever people may think of him, is a hero in Latin America, primarily because he stood up to the United States.

I despise people who go to the gutter on either the right or the left and hurl rocks at those in the center.

I think governments can’t do much.

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

When you are president, being able to clearly articulate detailed plans to help the people of this country is a good thing. Knowing what you’re doing is a good thing. And let me tell you, Hillary Clinton absolutely knows what she’s doing.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

It’s not proper for the government to intrude too thoroughly into the domain of the family. It’s inappropriate.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Not only our future economic soundness but the very soundness of our democratic institutions depends on the determination of our government to give employment to idle men.

Policy makers who have never served in the military continue to use the military to lead social change in this country.

My husband calls me ‚catfish.‘ He says I’m all mouth and no brains.

I have something in common with Nazis in that I am opposed to the radical Left. And when you oppose the radical Left, you end up being a part of a much larger group that includes Nazis in it.

No party has a monopoly on wisdom. No democracy works without compromise. But when Governor Romney and his allies in Congress tell us we can somehow lower our deficit by spending trillions more on new tax breaks for the wealthy – well, you do the math. I refuse to go along with that. And as long as I’m President, I never will.

Unlike presidential administrations, problems rarely have terminal dates.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

A serious writer is not to be confounded with a solemn writer. A serious writer may be a hawk or a buzzard or even a popinjay, but a solemn writer is always a bloody owl.

Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

I think our politicians could learn a lot from Mandela.

Obamacare sucks, it can’t be fixed.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Politics is the most important of the civil activities and has its own field of action, which is not that of religion.

It is a way to take people’s wealth from them without having to openly raise taxes. Inflation is the most universal tax of all.

I don’t like to see a president who is just out campaigning all year long or for the last four years. I’d like to see somebody who’s going in the office. In fact, I’d like to not see them because that way you’d be sure that they’d be working.

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I’m the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House.

The human being is in the most literal sense a political animal, not merely a gregarious animal, but an animal which can individuate itself only in the midst of society.

Teach a parrot the terms ‚supply and demand‘ and you’ve got an economist.

All religions and all communities have the same rights, and it is my responsibility to ensure their complete and total protection. My government will not tolerate or accept any discrimination based on caste, creed and religion.

Nothing could make me forget what the Reagan years had actually been like.

It sure is hell to be president.

Certainly in the next 50 years we shall see a woman president, perhaps sooner than you think. A woman can and should be able to do any political job that a man can do.

I believe that in every country the people themselves are more peaceably and liberally inclined than their governments.

I’m not a serious person, and I don’t like serious people.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

The military can buy our diplomats some time.

It is amazing that people who think we cannot afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, and medication somehow think that we can afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, medication and a government bureaucracy to administer it.

The Republican Party has become overwhelmingly so extreme that it’s hardly a traditional political party anymore.

I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You’ve got to just stand there and take it.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Politics is a profession; a serious, complicated and, in its true sense, a noble one.

It’s funny; recently I’ve started to notice people’s impersonations of me, and it’s basically like a hyperactive child.

If the Soviet Union let another political party come into existence, they would still be a one-party state, because everybody would join the other party.

I’ll tell you one thing, since I’m married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

When you are in any contest, you should work as if there were – to the very last minute – a chance to lose it. This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.

As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.