I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

We continue to shape our personality all our life. If we knew ourselves perfectly, we should die.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle… and not just in the sense of money, by the way; the Beatles are untouchable – those billionaire reports are a joke.

The proper study of Mankind is Man.

I periodically realize every few years that the only person whose taste I really trust is me.

I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.

So let’s be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

The fearful unbelief is unbelief in yourself.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

With people of limited ability modesty is merely honesty. But with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy.

That is why, no matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I have just landed on my head.

I was always taught not to answer no questions. I’m not really good at answering them because I get agitated so fast.

People like to build their own story about my life. I don’t know if it makes them feel better, or if it makes it okay for them to not like me, but the last thing I grew up as was rich.

Every man who attacks my belief, diminishes in some degree my confidence in it, and therefore makes me uneasy; and I am angry with him who makes me uneasy.

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.

Many people know so little about what is beyond their short range of experience. They look within themselves – and find nothing! Therefore they conclude that there is nothing outside themselves either.

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.

Remember, always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember, others may hate you. But those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.

Remember you are just an extra in everyone else’s play.

If something can corrupt you, you’re corrupted already.

Our personal intelligence is everlasting and divine.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I’m not perfect.

To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.

Most people wouldn’t know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

Your teammates give you the confidence. They give me the confidence all year, all postseason.

It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!

I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values – and follow my own moral compass – then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.

So when these people sell out, even though they get fabulously rich, they’re gypping themselves out of one of the potentially most rewarding experiences of their unfolding lives. Without it, they may never know their values or how to keep their newfound wealth in perspective.

There is a road from the eye to heart that does not go through the intellect.

There is a lot of pressure put on me, but I don’t put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel if I play my game, it will take care of itself.

I don’t consider myself to be that credulous.

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.

I’m sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

I think that, ah, I’m a very goofy sort of person in many ways.

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

I will not be concerned at other men’s not knowing me; I will be concerned at my own want of ability.

People who boast about their I.Q. are losers.

Hatred is self-punishment.

My moms always told me, ‚How long you gonna play the victim?‘ I can say I’m mad and I hate everything, but nothing really changes until I change myself.

I’m an emotional person. Sometimes I can’t help it.

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

One must know oneself. If this does not serve to discover truth, it at least serves as a rule of life and there is nothing better.

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.

If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it.

My husband says I look like a Q-tip.

The narrow bandwidth of TV has made us think that we are stupider than we are.

I have a hard time figuring out what kind of box to put me in, too, because I don’t know exactly what’s going on around me or why. But I need to stay outside of boxes because then I can look at what’s inside of them without being part of them.

Our most tragic error may have been our inability to establish a rapport and a confidence with the press and television with the communication media. I don’t think the press has understood me.

In the egoic state, your sense of self, your identity, is derived from your thinking mind – in other words, what your mind tells you about yourself: the storyline of you, the memories, the expectations, all the thoughts that go through your head continuously and the emotions that reflect those thoughts. All those things make up your sense of self.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I’m one of the world’s most self-conscious people. I really have to struggle.

I’ve used my femininity and my sexuality as a weapon and a tool… but that’s just natural.

The only shame is to have none.

I have a very strict gun control policy: if there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.

Undeserved praise causes more pangs of conscience later than undeserved blame, but probably only for this reason, that our power of judgment are more completely exposed by being over praised than by being unjustly underestimated.