I’m not denyin‘ the women are foolish. God Almighty made ‚em to match the men.

The death of my father is probably the biggest thing that I ever faced. Daddy and I were best friends.

It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.

I’m not for gay marriage, but I’m not for discriminating against people.

Like associates with like.

Disease generally begins that equality which death completes.

You pay a certain penalty for going your own way. A lot of people think you’re nuts, and you’re not as popular with girls as you should be.

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.

No matter how beautiful a woman might be, you’re always threatened by certain… You’re always threatened by other women, period.

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Be generous with kindly words, especially about those who are absent.

I’ve never thought about any kind of prejudice about women in country music because I never felt like it affected me. I was fortunate enough to come about in a time when I didn’t feel that kind of energy at all, and it was always my theory that if you want to play in the same ballgame as the boys, you’ve got to work as hard as them.

If we do not lift up women and families, everyone will fall short.

I am getting to the point where the only love worth being in is the love worth singing about.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

There is no scriptural basis for segregation.

I can easily imagine Obama sitting down and talking to any leader – or any person – in the world, with no baggage of past servitude or race supremacy to mar their talks.

Some men do think I’m a psycho bunny-boiler.

If I wouldn’t have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see – or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.

A woman will doubt everything you say except it be compliments to herself.

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

People say I look so happy – and I say, ‚That’s the Botox.‘

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

It’s very important to know the neighbor next door and the people down the street and the people in another race.

Trash talk? Smack talk? This is an American term that makes me laugh. I simply speak the truth. I’m an Irish man.

Any man who doesn’t love his mama can’t be no friend of mine.

I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.

The day will come – and it is not far off – when the legacy of Lincoln will finally be fulfilled at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, when a black man or woman will sit in the Oval Office. When that day comes, the most remarkable thing about it will be how naturally it occurs.

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.

I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.

A good laugh is sunshine in the house.

My mother is from another time – the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that’s what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I know if I wasn’t her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

Don’t get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects.

For me, when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don’t think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I’m with them.

It doesn’t matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I’m a woman or a man.

Something unpleasant is coming when men are anxious to tell the truth.

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares.

For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.

Young men and women, your education is ever important – to us, to you, and to God.

That all men are equal is a proposition to which, at ordinary times, no sane human being has ever given his assent.

Love is a better teacher than duty.

My wife has about everything I can think of.

Comedy’s about opening up and being unique, but to a point where the audience can relate to what you’re saying.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, such as getting my girlfriend pregnant when I was 23 and the way I handled that.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.

The country has come a long way in race relations, but the pendulum swings so far back. Everyone wants to be so sensitive.

If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

Never was it given to mortal man – To lie so boldly as we women can.

People say that about me, that I apparently buy houses near every boy I like – that’s a thing that I apparently do. If I like you I will apparently buy up the real-estate market just to freak you out so you leave me.

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me ‚understand‘ something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.

People are always asking me in interviews, ‚What do you think of foreign affairs?‘ I just say, ‚I’ve had a few.‘

Hatred is active, and envy passive dislike; there is but one step from envy to hate.

I have a personal ambition to live my life honestly and honor the true love that I’ve had and also the people I’ve had around me. I want to stay hopeful, even though I get scared about why we’re even alive at all.

He that loves to be flattered is worthy o‘ the flatterer.