If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

One of the common failings among honorable people is a failure to appreciate how thoroughly dishonorable some other people can be, and how dangerous it is to trust them.

God’s dream is that you and I and all of us will realize that we are family, that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion.

I don’t believe in personal immortality; the only way I expect to have some version of such a thing is through my books.

Man is an imperceptible atom always trying to become one with God.

Searching for music is like searching for God. They’re very similar. There’s an effort to reclaim the unmentionable, the unsayable, the unseeable, the unspeakable, all those things, comes into being a composer and to writing music and to searching for notes and pieces of musical information that don’t exist.

It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God – but to create him.

Luck is believing you’re lucky.

Don’t be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

If you’re in a workplace you don’t like right now, be encouraged because God will use it for your good. Think about it this way: He wants you to be a light in the darkness – and He’s putting His confidence in you!

Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. If you first understand that, then you will see how impossible it is to organize a belief.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

You know, God will give favor to anyone who will believe Him. Every day you should confess that you have favor everywhere you go. God will begin to open doors that you wouldn’t believe.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‚O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.‘ And God granted it.

If you have faith in our leaders of commerce, don’t buy gold. If you do not have faith in them, maybe you should buy gold or silver.

One cannot really be a Catholic and grown up.

In times of need, God can come to you in a myriad of disguises.

When you’re in comedy, people always come up and say, ‚Oh, it must be so hard.‘ It really isn’t hard unless you’re not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy.

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it’s absolutely true.

Keep a good attitude and do the right thing even when it’s hard. When you do that you are passing the test. And God promises you your marked moments are on their way.

‚Your Erroneous Zones’ was the book that went over the top simply because I believed in it so much.

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.

I give infinite thanks to God, who has been pleased to make me the first observer of marvelous things.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.

It doesn’t matter where you come from, what you have or don’t have, what you lack, or what you have too much of. But all you need to have is faith in God, an undying passion for what you do and what you choose to do in this life, and a relentless drive and the will to do whatever it takes to be successful in whatever you put your mind to.

I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.

Whatsoever is, is in God, and without God nothing can be, or be conceived.

I was being trained because I wanted to be a preacher like my father. I wanted to talk about Moses; I wanted to talk about God… I wanted to talk about the apostles, the disciples and all that.

Keep your nose out the sky, keep your heart to god, and keep your face to the raising sun.

Things that I felt absolutely sure of but a few years ago, I do not believe now. This thought makes me see more clearly how foolish it would be to expect all men to agree with me.

Responsibility, I believe, accrues through privilege.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two-year-old.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.

Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.

Peace is one of the most precious gifts God has promised His children. I know, because for many years my life was not peaceful, and I was miserable.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

I noticed words crudely spray-painted upon the wall, perhaps by a young Berliner: ‚This wall will fall. Beliefs become reality.‘ Yes, across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand freedom.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.

God answers prayers, but he doesn’t always answer it your way.

One who deceives will always find those who allow themselves to be deceived.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.

I believe that I have received Jesus Christ into my heart. I believe that he has covered all of my sins.

When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance.

You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

What ever disunites man from God, also disunites man from man.

Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter.

It is natural for the mind to believe and for the will to love; so that, for want of true objects, they must attach themselves to false.

I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

You can be committed to Church but not committed to Christ, but you cannot be committed to Christ and not committed to church.

I believe that a man is the strongest soldier for daring to die unarmed.

God is the name people give to the reason we are here. But I think that reason is the laws of physics rather than someone with whom one can have a personal relationship. An impersonal God.