If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.

As soon as I got out there I felt a strange relationship with the pitcher’s mound. It was as if I’d been born out there. Pitching just felt like the most natural thing in the world. Striking out batters was easy.

Stand-up can take you in so many different places, man. So many doors can be opened up from stand-up comedy, and the first one that was opened up for me was acting. But you can go from acting to being a TV personality to being a radio personality to being a writer to being a producer, to just being a visionary, to voiceover work.

Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.

Above everything else I’ve done, I’ve always said I’ve had more guts than I’ve got talent.

But I did ‚Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.‘ They made a cereal out of it, so once you’ve had a cereal, it doesn’t get much more surreal than that. Surreal cereal.

The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don’t know if I’ll ever be as good a dad as my dad.

Ability is nothing without opportunity.

I did go to Wellesley, a women’s college. And I am of a kind of strange generation which is transitional in terms of women who wanted to go out and get jobs.

When I’m getting to know someone, I look for someone who has passions that I respect, like his career. Someone who loves what he does is really attractive.

Shun no toil to make yourself remarkable by some talent or other; yet do not devote yourself to one branch exclusively. Strive to get clear notions about all. Give up no science entirely; for science is but one.

Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.

I wouldn’t say that I am one of the greatest dancers, but I am really quite good at what I do.

The barriers are not erected which can say to aspiring talents and industry, ‚Thus far and no farther.‘

I wish I could make music about politics. I feel like it’s such an art and a talent that I admire tremendously, but when I step into the studio, I step out of the real world, and it’s therapeutic.

Stand-up is my baby.

Having other comedians complimenting my work is the biggest accolade that I can get.

I just don’t believe in the basic concept that someone should make their whole career in public service.

I’ve enjoyed all the parts of my career.

I was 18 years old, and it was a dream come true for me to work out and eat great food for free. What else do you want in life? People think that is what it is like to be in a SEAL team, but it is less than a fraction of your career as a real SEAL.

Our moments of inspiration are not lost though we have no particular poem to show for them; for those experiences have left an indelible impression, and we are ever and anon reminded of them.

I’ve been doing comedy longer than I haven’t been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on ‚The Tonight Show.‘ There’s truly nothing like it; it’s intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.

It doesn’t matter if you want to be a teacher, an astronaut, or a reggaeton singer, you need to study.

For me, it’s a purity thing about the joke itself. It’s a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that’s a legitimate item you have there. For me, it’s nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It’s just not what I’m in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.

I was a strange, loud little kid who could sit at the piano and kill a Beethoven piece.

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

Even before Snapchat, you go back into my career from Day One or interview people that knew me for 25 years, they’re going to tell you I’ve been DJ Khaled my whole life.

I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.

We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work.

I was not encouraged to follow the career of a writer because my parents thought that I was going to starve to death. They thought nobody can make a living from being a writer in Brazil. They were not wrong.

I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.

I was a good football player, and I had a chance to play with some great players.

Talent grips us. We are overtaken by the beauty of Michelangelo’s sculpture, riveted by Mariah Carey’s angelic voice, doubled over in laughter by the comedy of Robin Williams, and captivated by the on screen performances of Denzel Washington.

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

For somebody who loves foreign policy, being Secretary is the best job in the world – but it doesn’t happen twice.

Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities.

Those who create are rare; those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I’d get so panicked that I would stutter.

People have asked me, ‚What would you have done if you hadn’t gone into the Army?‘ I’d say I’d probably be a bus driver. I don’t know.

I can get where some scientists would say comedians are crazy. What you have to understand: A lot of comedians are dealing with a dark passion. A lot of these are guys coming from a tumultuous life, including myself. Some people need outlets, a way to express yourself.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.

There has to be something in every role that interests you.

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would steal them away.

Friends applaud, the comedy is over.

When we recognise the virtues, the talent, the beauty of Mother Earth, something is born in us, some kind of connection, love is born.

Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.

A really great talent finds its happiness in execution.

No man can succeed in a line of endeavor which he does not like.

Take my wife… Please!

Comedy isn’t necessarily all dialogue. Think of Buster Keaton: the poker face and all this chaos going on all around him. Sometimes it’s a question of timing, of the proper rhythm.

‚Nothin‘ on You‘ by B.o.B was the first song where I heard myself on the radio. I’d been trying my whole career to write a song like that, which incorporates live instruments with hip-hop and singing.

I’m a working-class person, working with class.

Everyone enjoys doing the kind of work for which he is best suited.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

I knew I’d be in the UFC since I started my career.

I had no talent for science. What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers.

My biggest criticism is how can people be so easily satisfied? Even people with talent.

Stand-up is hard.

It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you.