I was the first woman to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out.

The people who are doing the work are the moving force behind the Macintosh. My job is to create a space for them, to clear out the rest of the organization and keep it at bay.

Stupid as a man, say the women: cowardly as a woman, say the men. Stupidity in a woman is unwomanly.

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

I was in a queer mood, thinking myself very old: but now I am a woman again – as I always am when I write.

I’m trying to show everybody that I’m a girl, and I’m five foot four, and you can do anything you want, no matter your gender. It’s your world, too!

It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.

People get a kick out of my stupidity.

You know, my Grandpop Finnegan used to have an expression: he used to say, ‚Joey, the guy in Olyphant’s out of work, it’s an economic slowdown. When your brother-in-law’s out of work, it’s a recession. When you’re out of work, it’s a depression.‘

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

Joe Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.

One of the things that was really an issue was I did not want to just be a woman secretary of state. I wanted to be a secretary of a state who was a woman, but not just chosen for that particular reason.

I won’t belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Man is not the creature of circumstances, circumstances are the creatures of men. We are free agents, and man is more powerful than matter.

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.

Be the hunter, not the hunted.

Memories are thoughts that arise. They’re not realities. Only when you believe that they are real, then they have the power over you. But when you realize it’s just another thought arising about the past, then you can have a spacious relationship with that thought. The thought no longer has you in its grip.

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

I think that, ah, I’m a very goofy sort of person in many ways.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‚Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.‘ He said, ‚Yes, but not in a row.‘

Homework’s hard. Especially math. My kids joke with me. They tell me they have homework. I say, ‚Okay.‘ And then I sit down and they say, ‚It’s math.‘ ‚No! Not math! English, history, anything!‘

A man without a vote is man without protection.

‚Educational‘ refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

I’ve never thought about any kind of prejudice about women in country music because I never felt like it affected me. I was fortunate enough to come about in a time when I didn’t feel that kind of energy at all, and it was always my theory that if you want to play in the same ballgame as the boys, you’ve got to work as hard as them.

I’m not denyin‘ the women are foolish. God Almighty made ‚em to match the men.

I know a lot of athletes and models are written off as just bodies. I never felt used for my body.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

And frankly, I don’t understand – I mean, I’m obviously a card-carrying Democrat – but I can’t understand why any woman would want to vote for Mitt Romney, except maybe Mrs. Romney.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

The man of genius inspires us with a boundless confidence in our own powers.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

I found it hard to be young. When I was married in my twenties, I hated being regarded as ‚the little wife.‘ You don’t know what it was like then! I’d never even written a cheque. I had to ask my husband for money for groceries.

I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.

Things must be done by parties, not by persons using parties as tools.

The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I believe there is complete equality between men and women. And I believe those passages in the New Testament, not by Jesus, but by Paul, that say women should not adorn themselves, they should always wear hats or color their hair in church – things like that – I think they are signs of the times and should not apply to modern-day life.

With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.

A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

I want the world to see my body.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

We have to wake up. We have to refuse to be a clone.

Since the very beginning, Emeril’s had a sense of humor about me calling him names and poking fun at him.

A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And, according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay – and rise!

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him ‚father.‘

Carry the battle to them. Don’t let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don’t ever apologize for anything.

I’m not convinced that women have the education or the sense of their own history enough or that they understand the cruelty of which men are capable and the delight that many men will take in seeing you choose to chain yourself – then they get to say ‚See, you did it yourself.‘

The more a person seeks security, the more that person gives up control over their life.

We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.