I was kind of secretly hoping one of my kids would go out and make a million bucks. So when they put me in a home, at least I’ll have a window with a view.

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‚What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!‘

I don’t think it’s possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.

Traditions are a common part of our lives. They can be good, and not all traditions are wrong, but sometimes they can take the joy out of life.

There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.

If you desire many things, many things will seem few.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

I know a lot of people say they always believed they could get into F1, but I didn’t quite believe that, certainly not when I was 7 and maybe not until I was 14. It was always so far away.

I was 18 years old, and it was a dream come true for me to work out and eat great food for free. What else do you want in life? People think that is what it is like to be in a SEAL team, but it is less than a fraction of your career as a real SEAL.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

Applause is a receipt, not a bill.

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

I think I have had so much blessing – I’ve had my brother, who was brilliant – I think my family came closest to making a genius when they made my brother – Bailey was just all of that. He loved me.

I take my kids to school. And if I go to work, I go to work, and they visit me on set. I come home. I have dinner with my family. I have breakfast with my family. I have a very solid, very warm home.

When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.

I sing and play the guitar, and I’m a walking, talking bacterial infection.

You send a boy to school in order to make friends – the right sort.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

No advance in wealth, no softening of manners, no reform or revolution has ever brought human equality a millimeter nearer.

That’s the most terrible thing about being an author – standing there at your mother’s funeral, but you don’t switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Who was it said – one of the famous lady novelists – ‚unhappy is the family that contains an author‘?

The term ‚globalisation‘ is conventionally used to refer to the specific form of investor-rights integration designed by wealth and power, for their own interests.

How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.

I’m just wanting to make the proper breakfast and keep the house. That’s my passion. At the request of my kids, I’m taking cooking classes. As I go to sleep at night, I think, ‚Did I do a great job as a mom, or was that an average day?‘

Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong.

I’ve had no contact with my daughter for years. That’s her choice. Anyway, you move on. If people don’t want to bother with me, fine. You know, God bless them, and move on.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.

It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.

What’s so beautiful about Miami is that we support each other. We’re just one big family, not just the entertainers, just everyone in general.

If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.

I like to talk about my obsession with french fries because I don’t want people to think that ‚Let’s Move‘ is about complete, utter deprivation. It’s about moderation and real-life changes and ideas that really work for families.

I continue to care for President Obama and for his family. I think that in many ways they are very courageous people, and I honor that, because I know what it means to live as a black person in a racist America.

The hardest thing to see is what is in front of your eyes.

A tree’s a tree. How many more do you need to look at?

Do everything as in the eye of another.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

Life’s a bit like mountaineering – never look down.

You just want something else that someone else has, but that doesn’t mean what you have isn’t beautiful, because people always want what you have, and you always want what they have – no one is ever 100 per cent like, ‚Yes, I’m the bomb dot com – from head to toe!‘

Will not a tiny speck very close to our vision blot out the glory of the world, and leave only a margin by which we see the blot? I know no speck so troublesome as self.

I have no desire to crow over anybody or to see anybody eating crow, figuratively or otherwise. We should all get together and make a country in which everybody can eat turkey whenever he pleases.

When I was nine years old, living on the south side of Chicago, my father was a minister and my mother used to scrub floors. I had seven brothers and four sisters. I told my mama, ‚One of these days I’m going to be big and strong and buy you a beautiful house.‘ That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life, is to take care of my mother.

You might be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don’t have anything to talk about, people are eventually going to gravitate towards the guy that’s actually saying something.

No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point.

When you’re doing a film and the majority of the film is cast black, for me, it’s most important to get people to view those movies as just movies, as just good movies. At the end of the day, regardless of the color of the cast, we’re all doing the same thing in this business: trying to make a good film.

There are certain age limits on police officers. They’d have retired me out at 65.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that’s walked a song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.

I’ve got incredible support from my wife and family and people around me. I’ve got great people around me who handle anything on the outside, business-wise, who help free me up to create in my job.

It’s true; once you are a father, there’s no turning back. Your heart strings as well as your purse strings are never again the same.

I try to look on all the great things God’s done, and not focus on the negative. It’s a perspective.

A great mind becomes a great fortune.

I’d like to think that I’m a calm and sweet person. I tend to be very playful at home with my children, but in life… we have to fight our battles – our work battles, our political battles, our personal battles – and we’re focused.

I have met 18 million youth, and each wants to be unique.

I’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.