I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises.

O wretched man, wretched not just because of what you are, but also because you do not know how wretched you are!

The idea of recognising your strengths and using them in as versatile a way as you can is cool to me.

Time is the only critic without ambition.

I’m super self-critical, which I think is good, because then I get exactly what I want. I’m critical of other people, too – I try not to be, though.

I think that, ah, I’m a very goofy sort of person in many ways.

No one even knows one percent of the fabulous history of Man; but thanks to history, we know about occurrences that go beyond the limits of the imaginable.

Testing oneself is best when done alone.

I don’t think I’m tangible to myself.

The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.

The progress of rivers to the ocean is not so rapid as that of man to error.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

There’s definitely going to be things that I’m not very good at, things I can improve.

I’m not the judge. You know, God didn’t tell me to go around judging everybody.

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

I’ve been thinking of humorous things since I was… I can’t remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

We’re all of us guinea pigs in the laboratory of God. Humanity is just a work in progress.

Don’t be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

You know, it’s not the world that was my oppressor, because what the world does to you, if the world does it to you long enough and effectively enough, you begin to do to yourself.

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

It is, generally, in the season of prosperity that men discover their real temper, principles, and designs.

The greatness of man is great in that he knows himself to be wretched. A tree does not know itself to be wretched.

I don’t ascribe to myself any special competence in economic insight. I translate what I hear from highly intelligent people into political and philosophical propositions.

History will point out some of the things I did wrong and some of the things I did right.

What I have never been afraid of is to be a little silly, and you can engage people that way. My view is, first you get them to laugh, then you get them to listen.

We usually lose today, because there has been a yesterday, and tomorrow is coming.

The only things one can admire at length are those one admires without knowing why.

I wish I knew why I am so anguished.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.

To know oneself, one should assert oneself.

I briefly did therapy, but after a while, I realised it is just like a farmer complaining about the weather. You can’t fix the weather – you just have to get on with it.

God not only plays dice, He also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.

I give thanks to God and to all the people in the U.K. who have supported me over the years.

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action.

The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.

Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.

You have to like the present; if not your life becomes secondhand, if you think it was better before. Or that it will be better in the future.

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time.

We are never further from what we wish than when we believe that we have what we wished for.

Whatever your heart clings to and confides in, that is really your God.

The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.

What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.

God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with.

All art really does is keep you focused on questions of humanity, and it really is about how do we get on with our maker.

To insult someone we call him ‚bestial. For deliberate cruelty and nature, ‚human‘ might be the greater insult.

Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself.

I was at a New Year’s Eve party, and someone asked me how was my year, and I said, ‚I honestly think 2011 was the best year of my entire life,‘ and I actually meant it.

If I couldn’t laugh I just would go insane, If we couldn’t laugh we just would go insane, If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane.

We’re one of the only animals in the world that don’t really think of ourselves as animals, but we are animals, and we must respect our fellow animals.

The only shame is to have none.

Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind.

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

A person’s a person, no matter how small.

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.