I love that I can tell the truth and have people laugh at it.

The lawyer’s truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency.

Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends.

The image is one thing and the human being is another. It’s very hard to live up to an image, put it that way.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

I know that campaigns can seem small, and even silly. Trivial things become big distractions. Serious issues become sound bites. And the truth gets buried under an avalanche of money and advertising. If you’re sick of hearing me approve this message, believe me – so am I.

I want you to be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being.

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

I don’t get up, get dressed, go out, and think, ‚Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.‘

You can’t get a contemporary story about what is going on inside government, and how society sees itself, on American TV.

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.

When I’m being funny, I try not to offend. I don’t think much of what I’ve done has been in really ghastly taste. I don’t think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

Truth is mysterious, elusive, always to be conquered. Liberty is dangerous, as hard to live with as it is elating. We must march toward these two goals, painfully but resolutely, certain in advance of our failings on so long a road.

You don’t have to be scared of me, because I am loyal. Why are people so scared of creative ideas and so scared of truth? All I want to do is do good.

I’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.

I just try to write songs that people are going to have a dialogue about.

The funny thing is that I feel close to all my characters. Deep, deep inside them all.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

I don’t really have a gimmick or a ‚thing.‘ I’m one of the few artists who gets to be himself every day.

She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

For me, ‚risky‘ is revealing what really happened in my life through music. Risky is writing confessional songs and telling the true story about a person with enough details so everyone knows who that person is.

‚The Lion‘ all began with a picture of a faun carrying an umbrella and parcels in a snowy wood. This picture had been in my mind since I was about sixteen. Then one day, when I was about forty, I said to myself, ‚Let’s try to make a story about it.‘

If we are to take for the criterion of truth the majority of suffrages, they ought to be gotten from those philosophic and patriotic citizens who cultivate their reason.

I don’t know if it’s changing already with ‚Joanne,‘ but my intention is to bring people together that don’t know each other and that would maybe feel awkward, but somehow be brought together by the music. That’s what I wanted to do. Because that is pure and authentic to my family history and what I stand for.

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

I never do anything that I don’t want to do.

At the end of the day, I want to be part of the same conversation as Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor.

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

Justice is truth in action.

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

Most country songs, certainly all the stuff I’ve written, are stories driven by characters.

Almost any biographer, if he respects facts, can give us much more than another fact to add to our collection. He can give us the creative fact; the fertile fact; the fact that suggests and engenders.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

A lot of people think I’m a comedian.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I’ll go for the gross-out. I’m not proud.

But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

All good books have one thing in common – they are truer than if they had really happened.

Obama’s not Jesus. He can’t walk on water.

I have always enjoyed watching my songs make people cry.

The truth is lived, not taught.

When you pick up a book, everyone knows it’s imaginary. You don’t have to pretend it’s not a book. We don’t have to pretend that people don’t write books. That omniscient third-person narration isn’t the only way to do it. Once you’re writing in the first person, then the narrator is a writer.

I am completely fascinated by the differences and comparisons between real life and fairy tales because we’re raised as little girls to think that we’re a princess and that Prince Charming is going to sweep us off our feet.

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.

I sing and play the guitar, and I’m a walking, talking bacterial infection.

An unexciting truth may be eclipsed by a thrilling lie.

You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.

What is truth? said jesting Pilate; and would not stay for an answer.

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

For a creative writer possession of the ‚truth‘ is less important than emotional sincerity.

Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.

‚Thursday‘ is a conceptual album. Whatever that situation was, I spent the whole album focusing on that situation.

I feel like I have a job to do, like I constantly have to reinvent myself. The more I up the ante for myself, the better it is in the long run. I try to interact with my fans as much as possible. It’s good that the person I’m being onstage isn’t really an act. It’s really me.