I love making people laugh. And I love laughing.

My mother was a public school teacher in Virginia, and we didn’t have any money, we just survived on happiness, on being a happy family.

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

My wife and I are very affectionate.

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity.

I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You’ve got to just stand there and take it.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

I want you to feel happy and enjoy the theatre of my life the way that I do. No matter what happens with my music and wherever I go – that heart of that glamorous girl in New York will never be gone.

Love is the most powerful thing in the world, and you know, what love brings is joy.

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.

But now, being a parent, I go home and see my son and I forget about any mistake I ever made or the reason I’m upset. I get home and my son is smiling or he comes running to me. It has just made me grow as an individual and grow as a man.

The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion.

You see some of the weirdest people in Detroit casinos.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.

Prospering just doesn’t have to do with money.

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

My success comes in making fun of whatever you’re doing. That’s my way.

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Joe Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.

Even when we have physical hardships, we can be very happy.

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

I’ve learned that men and women who are living wholehearted lives really allow themselves to soften into joy and happiness. They allow themselves to experience it.

It’s no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do? Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

It would be my guess that Madonna is not a very happy woman. From my own experience, having gone through persona changes like that, that kind of clawing need to be the center of attention is not a pleasant place to be.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

I love performing, you know, because, like I say, I’m a ham for this stuff.

I’ve never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It’s probably because they have forgotten their own.

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.

Many people feel so pressured by the expectations of others that it causes them to be frustrated, miserable and confused about what they should do. But there is a way to live a simple, joy-filled, peaceful life, and the key is learning how to be led by the Holy Spirit, not the traditions or expectations of man.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‚What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!‘

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Football games are on TV, and it doesn’t affect stadium attendance at all. It’s the same with movies. People who really love movies and like to go out on a Saturday night will go to the movie theater.

Human felicity is produced not as much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur every day.

Joy is the serious business of Heaven.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We’ve all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we’ve all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that’s a gift – to you and your audience.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Some people would claim that things like love, joy and beauty belong to a different category from science and can’t be described in scientific terms, but I think they can now be explained by the theory of evolution.

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.

Family and friendships are two of the greatest facilitators of happiness.

What’s real freedom? Real freedom is being able to not have my way and still be just as happy as if I did.

We’re a phenomenally snobby society, and it’s such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it’s the class I know best, and it’s the class where you find the most pretension, so that’s what makes the middle classes so funny.

Wrestling was like stand-up comedy for me. Every night I had a live audience of 25,000 people to win over. My goal was never to be the loudest or the craziest. It was to be the most entertaining.

I sent out a tweet, ‚Dancing with the Stars‘ should stop the jibber jabber. They shouldn’t make the departure of a dancer so tear jerky because nobody’s going to war.

The man who is aware of himself is henceforward independent; and he is never bored, and life is only too short, and he is steeped through and through with a profound yet temperate happiness.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Such is the state of life, that none are happy but by the anticipation of change: the change itself is nothing; when we have made it, the next wish is to change again.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‚Yes,‘ you know he is a crook.

Whether happiness may come or not, one should try and prepare one’s self to do without it.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.

I was kind of secretly hoping one of my kids would go out and make a million bucks. So when they put me in a home, at least I’ll have a window with a view.

People look to time in expectation that it will eventually make them happy, but you cannot find true happiness by looking toward the future.

I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I’ve always worked hard.