I know that if I had a television in my flat I would convince myself that everything on it was really interesting. I would say, ‚I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!‘ is so sociologically fascinating that I think I’d better watch.

I like the good life too much, I’m not good at going on stage night after night and on wet Wednesday afternoons.

People are using Windows PCs more than they watch TV now.

As a producer, as a CEO of Hartbeat Productions, I am making deals to put my company in place to win, to put my staff to work so that while all this stuff is going on, they’re in the kitchen cooking. So it’s understanding the longevity of the entertainment business; you get out of it what you put into it.

I spent much of my childhood in northern Quebec, and often there was no radio, no television – there wasn’t a lot to entertain us. When it rained, I stayed inside reading, writing, drawing.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

I am a giant proponent of giant screens. But I accept the fact that most of my movies are going to be seen on phones.

You entertain people who are satisfied. Hungry people can’t be entertained – or people who are afraid. You can’t entertain a man who has no food.

I don’t really read a lot of newspapers. I don’t pay attention to what is being said or written about me. I’ve had lots of experiences in the past when I got too much into it. That sort of diverts your focus.

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don’t really think most people really understand what they’ve seen.

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war – for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I’d say we deserve ours more.

The celebrity-chef thing, even at its worst, its most annoying, its silliest, its goofiest, its most egregious and cynical, has been a good thing.

I’ve always loved the showmanship of professional wrestling. While I love making movies, I love that platform, too.

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.

I’ll be like Bob Hope, touring when I’m 100.

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

Wrestling is intimate. You can reach out and touch the wrestlers.

Growing up I didn’t watch movies.

It’s really fun to be on stage in front of people.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

The best book, like the best speech, will do it all – make us laugh, think, cry and cheer – preferably in that order.

There should be a point to movies. Sure, you’re giving people a diversion from the cold world for a bit, but at the same time, you pass on some facts and rules and maybe a little bit of wisdom.

I could have spent eight years doing anything, and at some level, it would have been fine. I could have focused on flowers. I could have focused on decor. I could have focused on entertainment. Because any First Lady, rightfully, gets to define her role. There’s no legislative authority; you’re not elected. And that’s a wonderful gift of freedom.

All in all, I just don’t trust journalists – and I don’t think it’s a good practice for me to trust journalists.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I enjoy acting when you really hit it right.

When I was born in 1920, the auto was only 20 years old. Radio didn’t exist. TV didn’t exist. I was born at just the right time to write about all of these things.

I know I’m more on television, and I’m more recognisable than maybe even the players because they run and train, but I just stand there, and my face does all these funny things that everyone can see all the time.

Many people listen to what I have to say and I appear a lot in media, so therefore I influence a lot of people and therefore I have a bigger responsibility because I have a bigger platform.

Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.

Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

The press is the hired agent of a monied system, and set up for no other purpose than to tell lies where their interests are involved. One can trust nobody and nothing.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

When I started analysing games in 2001, I had a DVD recorder. I’d be at home watching the games just on a normal TV, watching what I could and trying to figure out what we would be facing a few weeks later. The problem was, in the team meetings, I’d always have to keep going back and forwards with the footage, trying to get to the right part.

My philosophy is, it’s always very rewarding when you can make an audience laugh. I don’t mind making fun of myself. I like self-deprecating comedy. But I’d like you to laugh with me occasionally, too.

Basically, I live to do gigs.

There’s no difference between movies and television. None at all. Except in a lot of cases, television’s much better than movies.

My mother is from another time – the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that’s what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I know if I wasn’t her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.

I love to pop up at the movie theaters. I love to treat the people who are there.

When you’re faced with an opponent, the media asks the questions, and I answer truthfully. I don’t hold back.

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

I sell escapism.

My goal was never to be the loudest or the craziest. It was to be the most entertaining.

Anybody that doesn’t like Cardi B a hater!

I was very honored to get to be part of ‚American Idol.‘

Digital technology allows us a much larger scope to tell stories that were pretty much the grounds of the literary media.

The future of American film lies on television.

When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding.

My shows are not narratives.

Disneyland is the star, everything else is in the supporting role.

‚Best Man Holiday‘ was a very successful film.

I get to hear the really good or the really bad things in the press, but I don’t read it. I can afford to say that because public opinion does not drive U2’s audience.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I’m joking and when I’m serious.

We are in the throes of a transition where every publication has to think of their digital strategy.

We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.

I’m well past the age where I’m acceptable. You get to a certain age and you are forbidden access. You’re not going to get the kind of coverage that you would like in music magazines, you’re not going to get played on radio and you’re not going to get played on television. I have to survive on word of mouth.

‚Kitchen Confidential‘ wasn’t a cautionary or an expose. I wrote it as an entertainment for New York tri-state area line cooks and restaurant lifers, basically; I had no expectation that it would move as far west as Philadelphia.

We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.

If anything, I get most upset because I wanna read a good paper first thing in the morning. And if I see a lie about myself flash across the front of the cover, I don’t think much of the rest of the newspaper.