I just think it’s so important not to take yourself too seriously.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality.

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind.

It’s funny; recently I’ve started to notice people’s impersonations of me, and it’s basically like a hyperactive child.

Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It’s a black wall. It’s a thief.

If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.

Worry – a God, invisible but omnipotent. It steals the bloom from the cheek and lightness from the pulse; it takes away the appetite, and turns the hair gray.

It seems like we wake up and it’s a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, ‚What the hell am I doing?‘

That’s the one for my tombstone… Here lies David Byrne. Why the big suit?

You get one life. I’m going to embrace mine.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.

The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Every spoken word arouses our self-will.

Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas.

The other day I… uh, no, that wasn’t me.

Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.

I hesitate to use a pathologizing label, but underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary.

Maybe some people can wake up and play PlayStation all day, but that’s never been me.

It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.

The U. S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‚President Can’t Swim.‘

There is one thing that gets you out of bed in the morning, and that is discipline. Because your dreams and your goals are not there waking up for you in the morning.

I don’t take showers at night, because I take a bath when I wake up. Then I go to bed on the most beautiful Egyptian-cotton antique sheets in the world.

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!

A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses.

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.

I really have no interest in myself.

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

When you seek the presence of your creative Spirit and are filled with passion about virtually everything you undertake, you’ll successfully remove the roadblocks from your life and enjoy the active presence of Spirit.

You might not always get what you want, but you always get what you expect.

No, I’m not anguished and tormented.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.

I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

I’m a meathead, man. You’ve got smart people, and you’ve got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb.

Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.

There is little success where there is little laughter.

There are many things that happen every day that we could murmur about if we let ourselves go there. But they really aren’t worth the effort it takes to get upset and gripe about it.

Obama’s not Jesus. He can’t walk on water.

I’ve got a great sense of humor.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.

One should take good care not to grow too wise for so great a pleasure of life as laughter.

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.

I think you’re working and learning until you die.

Comedy’s about opening up and being unique, but to a point where the audience can relate to what you’re saying.

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.