I have Asperger’s, I’m on the autism spectrum, so I don’t really care about social codes. It makes you think differently.

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world.

I’m the most boring person to talk to.

I think I had a mild case of Asperger’s as a younger guy, but that typically just wears off after a while. For some people, anyway.

True politeness consists in being easy one’s self, and in making every one about one as easy as one can.

I haven’t gone out of my way to seek advice from people I don’t know.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

I’m not a natural joiner.

I think I had a mild case of Asperger’s as a younger guy, but that typically just wears off after a while.

I was in enough to get along with people. I was never socially inarticulate. Not a loner. And that saved my life, saved my sanity. That and the writing. But to this day I distrust anybody who thought school was a good time. Anybody.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

You think that the heads of state only have serious conversations, but they actually often begin really with the weather or, ‚I really like your tie.‘

I make friends faster and easier than journalists.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue.

I think women are really good at making friends and not good at networking. Men are good at networking and not necessarily making friends. That’s a gross generalization, but I think it holds in many ways.

I think in many ways that we autistic are the normal ones and the rest of the people are pretty strange. They keep saying that climate change is an existential threat and the most important issue of all. And yet they just carry on like before.

If you are not being bullied all I would say – cause I like to talk about the other side of it as well – is you know, be someone that nurtures, and if there’s someone in your class that maybe doesn’t have a lot of friends, be the person that sits with them in the cafeteria sometimes; be the bigger person.

I had a great time being a salesman because of the pitches that I gave when I was selling shoes. However, I don’t think I’m as well versed in shoes as I am in comedy. Being a salesman was all about being a people person, and I enjoy being around people. I also love talking to people – which is why I think I did so well.

I’m on the autism spectrum. I don’t usually follow social coding and so therefore I go my own way.

I don’t know how to work a room. It’s a real skill.

I didn’t always have 14,000 people wanting to hang out with me on a Saturday night.

I would counsel people to go to college, because it’s one of the best times in your life in terms of who you meet and develop a broad set of intellectual skills.

Without tact you can learn nothing.

In order to have friends, you must first be one.

The pressure on young chefs today is far greater than ever before in terms of social skills, marketing skills, cooking skills, personality and, more importantly, delivering on the plate. So you need to be strong. Physically fit. So my chefs get weighed every time they come into the kitchen.

I didn’t play with other children.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.

The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.

Charm is a way of getting the answer ‚Yes‘ without asking a clear question.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

You might be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don’t have anything to talk about, people are eventually going to gravitate towards the guy that’s actually saying something.

You send a boy to school in order to make friends – the right sort.

Good breeding differs, if at all, from high breeding only as it gracefully remembers the rights of others, rather than gracefully insists on its own rights.

Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.

Discretion of speech is more than eloquence, and to speak agreeably to him with whom we deal is more than to speak in good words, or in good order.

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

For some reason I did something where I realized I could get a reaction. That was when I broke out of my shell at school, because I really didn’t have any friends or anything like that and I just kind of was going along, and then finally I did this zany thing, and all of a sudden I had tons of friends.

I’m not a person that socializes very well.

Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people’s bad manners.

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.