I hate the past – especially my own past.

Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.

Most people don’t grow up. It’s too damn difficult. What happens is most people get older. That’s the truth of it. They honor their credit cards, they find parking spaces, they marry, they have the nerve to have children, but they don’t grow up.

As long as you live, keep learning how to live.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.

Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.

One day it will be over, and I don’t care.

Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are.

Occasionally, I hanker for the time when I sold more records, but I don’t sit and drool about it. When I do look at early footage of Talking Heads, I realise I was just a wreck.

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Begin to be now what you will be hereafter.

Overcoming my dad telling me that I could never amount to anything is what has made me the megalomaniac that you see today.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

I thank God for my failures. Maybe not at the time but after some reflection. I never feel like a failure just because something I tried has failed.

Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.

I like today and perhaps a little future still, but the past is really something I’m not interested in. So, as far as I’m concerned, I like only the past of things and people I don’t know. When I know, I don’t care because I knew how it was.

I like to use the hard times in the past to motivate me today.

All of my favorite people – people I really trust – none of them were cool in their younger years.

Live to learn, and you will really learn to live.

To change ones life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly.

My life turned out to be beyond my greatest dreams.

When we believe the best of people, we let go of each thing they do that is hurtful to us. And we choose to think things like, ‚I don’t believe they meant to hurt me.‘ ‚Maybe they’re having a bad day or don’t feel well.‘ ‚They probably don’t even realize how they sound.‘

Remember that no relationship is a total waste of time. You can always learn something about yourself.

Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

When one burns one’s bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

I do sometimes look back at things I’ve written in the past, and think, ‚I just don’t remember being the person who wrote that.‘