I had a great time being a salesman because of the pitches that I gave when I was selling shoes. However, I don’t think I’m as well versed in shoes as I am in comedy. Being a salesman was all about being a people person, and I enjoy being around people. I also love talking to people – which is why I think I did so well.

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.

Never say no when a client asks for something, even if it is the moon. You can always try, and anyhow there is plenty of time afterwards to explain that it was not possible.

On TV the people can see it. On radio you’ve got to create it.

Often, little situations trigger enormous reactions. Be there, present for it. Your partner will find it easier to see it in you, and you will find it easier to see it in them.

I have a family, loving aunts, and a good home. No, on the surface I seem to have everything except my one true friend. All I think about when I’m with friends is having a good time. I can’t bring myself to talk about anything but ordinary everyday things. We don’t seem to be able to get any closer, and that’s the problem.

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

I don’t think comedy will ever die.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest.

My mother always taught us that if people don’t agree with you, the important thing is to listen to them. But if you’ve listened to them carefully and you still think that you’re right, then you must have the courage of your convictions.

No one ever doubts that I mean what I say. The problem is I sometimes say all that I mean.

One of my direct subordinates, one of my guys that worked for me, he would call me up or pull me aside with some major problem, some issue that was going on. And he’d say, ‚Boss, we’ve got this, and that, and the other thing.‘ And I’d look at him and I’d say, ‚Good.‘

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

I think a lot of people, including me, clammed up when a civilian asked about battle, about war. It was fashionable. One of the most impressive ways to tell your war story is to refuse to tell it, you know. Civilians would then have to imagine all kinds of deeds of derring-do.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.

I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art.

I’m grateful for the opportunities God gave me to minister to people in high places; people in power have spiritual and personal needs like everyone else, and often they have no one to talk to.

You aren’t learning anything when you’re talking.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

It is hardly an exaggeration to say that oral teachers and sign teachers found it difficult to sit down in the same room without quarreling, and there was intolerance upon both sides. To say ‚oral method‘ to a sign teacher was like waving a red flag in the face of a bull, and to say ‚sign language‘ to an oralist aroused the deepest resentment.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

I wanted to be a doctor that I might be able to work without having to talk because for years I had been giving myself out in words.

You can’t talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into.

I don’t hate women – they just sometimes make me mad.

The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‚Oh no, it’s on the house.‘

I think we basically saw that the messaging space is bigger than we’d initially realized, and that the use cases that WhatsApp and Messenger have are more different than we had thought originally.

Whoever the coach is, my job is to talk to him, understand him and be a better player under him and give my best.

If you want peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

Basketball is my passion, I love it. But my family and friends mean everything to me. That’s what’s important. I need my phone so I can keep in contact with them at all times.

Dialogue means debates and everyone’s point of view.

Occasionally I’ve seen children become heavy-handed and insensitive when dealing with their aging parents, and it only caused resentment and hard feelings.

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

The American public’s a lot more sophisticated than we all give them credit for. And on complicated issues, I’m going to give them straight answers. And if it takes more than three minutes, I’m going to do it.

If you can’t move and talk to people that you see, it’s not really my scene.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.

It used to be the case, like you’d switch jobs, and then maybe you wouldn’t keep in touch with all the people that you knew from that old job, just because it was too hard. But one of the things that Facebook does is it makes it really easy to just stay in touch with all these people.

I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.

A leader who confines his role to his people’s experience dooms himself to stagnation; a leader who outstrips his people’s experience runs the risk of not being understood.

I’ll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our election most.

If you want to talk about something new, you have to make up a new kind of language.

The short words are best, and the old words are the best of all.

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It’s commenting or observing or twisting life.

No matter what message you are about to deliver somewhere, whether it is holding out a hand of friendship, or making clear that you disapprove of something, is the fact that the person sitting across the table is a human being, so the goal is to always establish common ground.

I’ll think I have a few wonderful friends and all of a sudden, ooh, here it comes. They do a lot of things. They talk about you to the press, to their friends, tell stories, and you know, it’s disappointing.

I’m the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren’t no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn’t know about them.

I feel like I was writing as I was learning to talk. Writing was always a go-to form of communication. And I knew I could sing from being in tune with the radio.

You have to be careful about how much you reveal to people that look up to you so much.

If you deny people their own voice, you’ll have no idea of who they were.

A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match.

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.

I grew up cursing a lot. It felt natural. My parents told me to stop.

The thing that we are trying to do at facebook, is just help people connect and communicate more efficiently.

I have owed you this letter for a very long time-but my fingers have avoided the pencil as though it were an old and poisoned tool.

In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter – ‚tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.

Mind your speech a little lest you should mar your fortunes.

To find out your real opinion of someone, judge the impression you have when you first see a letter from them.

I just think you ought to talk straight with your people.

Silence speaks so much louder than screaming tantrums. Never give anyone an excuse to say that you’re crazy.