I don’t get up, get dressed, go out, and think, ‚Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.‘

So much of what we do every single day is the result of habits that we have formed over time.

If there be no enemy there’s no fight. If no fight, no victory and if no victory there is no crown.

If you try to fight the course, it will beat you.

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important.

He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest.

We cannot be sure of having something to live for unless we are willing to die for it.

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.

I think whether you’re having setbacks or not, the role of a leader is to always display a winning attitude.

Sometimes, if you begin to sing in a halfhearted mood, you can sing yourself up the ladder. Singing will often make the heart rise.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that’s a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.

How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

No one has ever drowned in sweat.

Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.

I’m inspired by people who keep on rolling, no matter their age.

The one excellent thing that can be learned from a lion is that whatever a man intends doing should be done by him with a whole-hearted and strenuous effort.

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.

Teachers can change lives with just the right mix of chalk and challenges.

We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.

Building a mission and building a business go hand in hand. The primary thing that excites me is the mission. But we have always had a healthy understanding that we need to do both.

I get that racism exists, but it’s not a catalyst for my content. I don’t need to talk about race to have material. My style of comedy is more self-deprecating. I think that makes me more relatable. When you deal with ‚topics‘ – race, white versus black – you’re not separating from the pack. You’re doing what everybody else is doing.

I try to use my experience and the fact that I grew up in the ghetto – I tell people you don’t have to rob or steal to get out of the ghetto.

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.

People like to blame others. I think a person should just look at their own situation, look around them, find out what they wish to do, and seek and go and do that. And that’s it.

I will be unhappy if I know I have not accomplished something I should have done that was possible.

Words are powerful; if you change your words, you can change your life.

Public sentiment is everything. With public sentiment, nothing can fail. Without it, nothing can succeed.

Every country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy; Canada is like an intelligent, 35-year-old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson. It comes right up to you and laughs very hard in your face in a highly threatening and engaging manner.

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.

No man ever achieved worth-while success who did not, at one time or other, find himself with at least one foot hanging well over the brink of failure.

I like the cold weather. It means you get work done.

I know I’m stronger in the songs than I really am. Sometimes I need to hear it myself. We all need to hear those empowering songs to remind us.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.

Really, you don’t lose until you stop trying.

If you don’t live your life, then who will?

It’s rule number one, really – beating your teammate.

Ambition can creep as well as soar.

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

I don’t think it’s possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.

I want kids to know: Don’t wait for somebody to come along and tell you you’re special. Because that may never happen.

Intellectual passion drives out sensuality.

Whenever a fellow tells me he’s bipartisan, I know he’s going to vote against me.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

The man of genius inspires us with a boundless confidence in our own powers.

I don’t know why women want any of the things men have when one of the things that women have is men.

I can do whatever I want.

If you want special results, you have to feel special things and do special things together. You can speak about spirit, or you can live it.

Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.

People are always asking me in interviews, ‚What do you think of foreign affairs?‘ I just say, ‚I’ve had a few.‘

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.