I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.

El Salvador is a democracy so it’s not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans… I have heard a single voice.

Be extra careful in the work environment with those who like to maintain their position through charm and being political, rather than getting things done. They are very prone to envying and hating those who work hard and get results. They will slander and sabotage you without any warning.

Barack Obama would not be President if he were dark skin. You know what I mean? That’s just the truth. I might not be as successful as I am now if I was dark skin.

It is difficult to violently suppress people in the long run, as the example of the Soviet Union and the Eastern European countries has shown.

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.

But do I think that our actions in anyway violate the War Powers Resolution, the answer is no.

Nixon was no more a saint than he was a great president.

He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.

Democracy as a system has evolved into something that Thomas Jefferson didn’t anticipate.

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

If you know how to read, you have a complete education about life, then you know how to vote within a democracy. But if you don’t know how to read, you don’t know how to decide. That’s the great thing about our country – we’re a democracy of readers, and we should keep it that way.

We need to reject any politics that targets people because of race or religion. This isn’t a matter of political correctness. It’s a matter of understanding what makes us strong. The world respects us not just for our arsenal; it respects us for our diversity and our openness and the way we respect every faith.

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

I don’t follow politics much.

I think it’s important to vote.

I’m not a big politics guy.

The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings, and that these individual beings are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder or be murdered in quarrels not their own.

Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I’m joking and when I’m serious.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

I’m not looking to get away from anything. I like what I’ve done. I like what I get to do and I enjoy working with my friends. I loved those movies, but this is incredible.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

You’ve got to watch the politics of AIDS. The politics of AIDS can work both for and against the victims of AIDS.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Politics is a science. You can demonstrate that you are right and that others are wrong.

The right honourable gentleman caught the Whigs bathing, and walked away with their clothes. He has left them in the full enjoyment of their liberal positions, and he is himself a strict conservative of their garments.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

No one is laughable who laughs at himself.

Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.

I like surprises.

As the poet said, ‚Only God can make a tree,‘ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Well, when you come down to it, I don’t see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?

Trash talk? Smack talk? This is an American term that makes me laugh. I simply speak the truth. I’m an Irish man.

The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.

Politics is applesauce.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

You know what, I’m very attracted to someone who makes me laugh and is that charming. Really, I could be charmed by anyone. I’m just a sucker for somebody that is charming.

I think that people are tired. They’re tired of the same old kind of politics. People want a new tone to politics.

We can’t equate democracy with Christianity because the largest democracy on earth is India, which is primarily Hindu. The third largest democracy is Indonesia, which is Islamic. Democracy and freedom are not dependent on Christian beliefs.

We Conservatives hate unemployment.

The thing I enjoyed most were visits from children. They did not want public office.

I think organized labor is a necessary part of democracy. Organized labor is the only way to have fair distribution of wealth.

If you’re in business or politics, you need to have an intense understanding of what’s going on around you.

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.

I don’t get up, get dressed, go out, and think, ‚Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.‘

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.

I am the son of a freedom fighter, and a son of a freedom fighter automatically imbibes the value of democracy.

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, ‚God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!‘

Humor is reason gone mad.

Many things shall change in Cuba, but they shall change because of our efforts and despite the United States. Perhaps that empire shall crumble first.

The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector.

Let me even say before I even get inaugurated, during the transition we are going to be having meetings all across the country with community organizations so that you have input into the agenda for the next presidency of the United States of America.

Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.

I’ll be honest: I haven’t ruled politics out.

India is a democracy; it is in our DNA.

Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him.

I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it’s never at the expense of the other guy.

Democracy is not static. It is a living force. Every new idea, every new invention offers opportunity for both good and evil.