I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Only those are fit to live who are not afraid to die.

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.

Most damage that others do us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, ‚Thy will be done,‘ and those to whom God says, ‚All right, then, have it your way.‘

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me.

As you know, I’m an immigrant. I came over here as an immigrant, and what gave me the opportunities, what made me to be here today, is the open arms of Americans. I have been received. I have been adopted by America.

History shows us that in times of people feeling like they are in need of some sort of rebellion or protests, the artists rise because the poetry we create about pain and its relationship to culture in the world begins to soothe and heal people who are feeling confused or afraid.

Whether for life or death, do your own work well.

Laughter is America’s most important export.

If you look at me close enough, there’s a small resemblance to a chicken nugget. I don’t know if it’s my skin texture or my hair, but the resemblance is definitely there.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Love is a really scary thing, and you never know what’s going to happen. It’s one of the most beautiful things in life, but it’s one of the most terrifying. It’s worth the fear because you have more knowledge, experience, you learn from people, and you have memories.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

Whenever I want to laugh, I read a wonderful book, ‚Children’s Letters to God.‘ You can open it anywhere. One I read recently said, ‚Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.‘

For me, it’s a purity thing about the joke itself. It’s a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that’s a legitimate item you have there. For me, it’s nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It’s just not what I’m in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.

You make ‚em, I amuse ‚em.

There are a lot of groups that feel a little bit strange around me, because I am inclusive.

An unused life is an early death.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep.

Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality.

Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.

I love diversity.

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

When death, the great reconciler, has come, it is never our tenderness that we repent of, but our severity.

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

For most of us, relationship with another is based on dependence, either economic or psychological. This dependence creates fear, breeds in us possessiveness, results in friction, suspicion, frustration.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.

Most people wouldn’t know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

You know, my Grandpop Finnegan used to have an expression: he used to say, ‚Joey, the guy in Olyphant’s out of work, it’s an economic slowdown. When your brother-in-law’s out of work, it’s a recession. When you’re out of work, it’s a depression.‘

I’m afraid that people who know me as I usually am will discover I have another side, a better and finer side. I’m afraid they’ll mock me, think I’m ridiculous and sentimental and not take me seriously. I’m used to not being taken seriously, but only the ‚light-hearted‘ Anne is used to it and can put up with it; the ‚deeper‘ Anne is too weak.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

I’m not ashamed to say I fear something.

I wouldn’t say I have a lack of fear. In fact, I’d like my fear emotion to be less because it’s very distracting and fries my nervous system.

And why not death rather than living torment? To die is to be banish’d from myself; And Silvia is myself: banish’d from her Is self from self: a deadly banishment!

I briefly did therapy, but after a while, I realised it is just like a farmer complaining about the weather. You can’t fix the weather – you just have to get on with it.

There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.

At 30 a man should know himself like the palm of his hand, know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures – be what he is. And, above all, accept these things.

Humor is reason gone mad.

There’s a long way to fall when you pretend that you’re so far away from the earth, far away from reality, floating in a bubble that’s protected by fame or success. It’s scary, and it’s the thing I fear the most: to be swallowed up by that bubble. It can be poison to you, fame.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Poverty entails fear and stress and sometimes depression. It meets a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts that is something on which to pride yourself but poverty itself is romanticized by fools.

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

Death is a fearful thing.

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‚Present‘ or ‚Not guilty.‘

I just think it’s so important not to take yourself too seriously.

The great thing about having a bunch of kids is they just remind you that you’re the person who takes them to go poop!

It is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.

I’d love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.

I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

Is fear preventing you from taking action? Acknowledge the fear, watch it, take your attention into it, be fully present with it. Doing so cuts the link between the fear and your thinking. Don’t let the fear rise up into your mind. Use the power of the Now. Fear cannot prevail against it.

The death of my father is probably the biggest thing that I ever faced. Daddy and I were best friends.

One of the first signs of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.