I am humble Abraham Lincoln. I have been solicited by my friends to become a candidate for the Legislature. My politics are short and sweet, like the old woman’s dance.

The proper study of Man is anything but Man; and the most improper job of any man, even saints (who at any rate were at least unwilling to take it on), is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.

Yup, the whole birther movement was racist.

There are still people in my party who believe in consensus politics. I regard them as Quislings, as traitors… I mean it.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

There’s a deceptive sin that can keep us from walking in love: pride. It’s deceptive because when you have pride, you’re usually too proud to admit it. I know this because I used to have teachings on pride and they didn’t sell well.

I didn’t want to be a writer, but I became one. And now I have many readers, in many countries. I think that’s a miracle. So I think I have to be humble regarding this ability. I’m proud of it and I enjoy it, and it is strange to say it this way, but I respect it.

It is a fine game to play – the game of politics – and it is well worth waiting for a good hand before really plunging.

Part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time is because we’re hardwired not to always think clearly when we’re scared. And the country’s scared.

The terrorist action of 9/11 gave birth to President Obama’s entry to the White House. Not directly, but indirectly.

Moral authority is never retained by any attempt to hold on to it. It comes without seeking and is retained without effort.

The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I want the job.

Among the friends of Union, there is great diversity of sentiment and of policy in regard to slavery and the African race among us.

I created my MySpace page in eighth grade, because that’s how all my friends talked to each other, so I made one, too. Then, all of a sudden, my friends started putting my songs on their profiles, and then their relatives, their friends in different states did.

I’m so happy because today I found my friends – they’re in my head.

I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I’m just more sexually attracted to women. But I’m really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

It is a vain hope to make people happy by politics.

We are not going to be satisfied by politicians saying ‚we support you‘ and then walking away. We won’t be satisfied until they meet our demands and act. That’s why simply taking a selfie or posting support on Twitter isn’t enough. That’s why we have to keep striking.

A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy.

No one but a fool is always right.

One of the things being in politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasonable sex.

Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

George Bush made a mistake when he referred to the Saddam Hussein regime as ‚evil.‘ Every liberal and leftist knows how to titter at such black-and-white moral absolutism.

I think my message to the politicians who have within their power the ability to make change is, ‚Do you really, really not care about the future of your great-grandchildren? Because if we let the world continue to be destroyed the way we are now, what’s the world going to be like for your great-grandchildren?‘

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It’s the other way around. They never vote for us.

I am making a collection of the things my opponents have found me to be and, when this election is over, I am going to open a museum and put them on display.

If you think you can slander a woman into loving you, or a man into voting for you, try it till you are satisfied.

Politicians must set their aims for the high ground and according to our various leanings, Democratic, Republican, Independent, we will follow. Politicians must be told if they continue to sink into the mud of obscenity, they will proceed alone.

I don’t have all the answers.

Ronald Reagan used to alarm his Soviet counterparts by saying that surely they’d both unite against an invasion from Mars.

The Democratic position seems to be everything is going to be free. Free education. Free health care. Free housing. Free love. Free kittens, I don’t know.

I think that both parties should declare the debt limit as a political weapon of mass destruction which can’t be used. I mean, it is silly to have a country that has 237 years building up its reputation and then have people threaten to tear it down because they’re not getting some other matter.

Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them.

Liberals are not always so liberal with people who disapprove – disapprove of their point of view.

I think where political issues invade moral situations, spiritual leaders have to speak out.

Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton both had exceptional natural abilities. Nelson Rockefeller was very good statewide but never gained national traction.

If I don’t run for president, we’ll all be OK.

If you’re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

I never enjoyed school and I was never that good at school so leaving wasn’t the biggest thing, but the social aspect of school, leaving your friends, you lose contact with them a bit and now I have more friends at the race track than the friends I keep in touch with at school.

Sometimes we be playing the politics too much and forget who we are just to win.

In a democracy, allegations will never improve situations. So, I’m against allegations, but I always welcome criticism.

One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes a revolution in order to establish a dictatorship.

I have decided in 2020 to run for president.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

I cannot swallow whole the view of Lincoln as the Great Emancipator.

Even to observe neutrality you must have a strong government.

I found this national debt, doubled, wrapped in a big bow waiting for me as I stepped into the Oval Office.

In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes.

No man is good enough to govern another man without the other’s consent.

I hate all politics. I don’t like either political party. One should not belong to them – one should be an individual, standing in the middle. Anyone that belongs to a party stops thinking.

I remember when I was in high school I didn’t have a new dress for each special occasion. The girls would bring the fact to my attention, not always too delicately. The boys, however, never bothered with the subject. They were my friends, not because of the size of my wardrobe but because they liked me.

Governments are supposed to lie to their citizens.

No part of the education of a politician is more indispensable than the fighting of elections.

I would not vote for the mayor. It’s not just because he didn’t invite me to dinner, but because on my way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes.

The utmost extent of man’s knowledge, is to know that he knows nothing.

I know that campaigns can seem small, and even silly. Trivial things become big distractions. Serious issues become sound bites. And the truth gets buried under an avalanche of money and advertising. If you’re sick of hearing me approve this message, believe me – so am I.

Lincoln said you cannot be President without spending some item on your knees. I have repeated that and a bunch of Atheists got all over me. Wait a minute. Does that mean that you cannot be President if you are an Atheist? I say yea that does mean that.

The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all.

I’m pretty laid-back in real life. I just love hanging with my friends and making jokes. The jokes don’t stop – literally, all day.