Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.

I want to look my best for God. So many people have the attitude that if you’re a Christian you’ve got to dress bad, wear an old color, not do anything to your hair, have nothing. It’s no wonder that Christianity is not very attractive. I mean, how many people do you know in a Western culture that’s going to go, ‚Yeah, give me some of that?‘

My momma didn’t clean up floors so I could be a thug… so I could wear my pants down.

Comedians are sociologists. We’re pointing out stuff that the general public doesn’t even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.

The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‚Oh no, it’s on the house.‘

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that’s walked a song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.

The more people smoke herb, the more Babylon fall.

I didn’t play with other children.

I still derive immense pleasure from remembering how many hod-carrying brickies were encouraged to put on lurex tights and mince up and down the high street, having been assured by know-it-alls like me that a smidgen of blusher really attracted the birds.

It’s a funny old world.

Measures must always in a progressive society be held superior to men, who are after all imperfect instruments, working for their fulfilment.

I think it’s brought the world a lot closer together, and will continue to do that. There are downsides to everything; there are unintended consequences to everything. The most corrosive piece of technology that I’ve ever seen is called television – but then, again, television, at its best, is magnificent.

No people come into possession of a culture without having paid a heavy price for it.

Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.

I think the first duty of society is justice.

I think that more flow of information, the ability to stay connected to more people makes people more effective as people. And I mean, that’s true socially. It makes you have more fun, right. It feels better to be more connected to all these people. You have a richer life.

What is ominous is the ease with which some people go from saying that they don’t like something to saying that the government should forbid it. When you go down that road, don’t expect freedom to survive very long.

You can never have a revolution in order to establish a democracy. You must have a democracy in order to have a revolution.

I must have read every issue of ‚Punch‘ published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour – that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find in something like ‚Three Men in a Boat.‘

I want my wardrobe to be full of good clothes, so that when I’m deciding what to wear, I don’t run out of options. I love shopping!

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.

The value of a dollar is social, as it is created by society.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

At one time, you could sit on the Rue de la Paix in Paris or at the Habima Theater in Tel Aviv or in Medina and you could see a person come in, black, white, it didn’t matter. You said, ‚That’s an American‘ because there’s a readiness to smile and to talk to people.

To suppose that any form of government will secure liberty or happiness without any virtue in the people, is a chimerical idea.

The masculine spirit is under assault. It’s obvious.

The fashion I’ve acquired over the years is so sacred to me – from costumes to couture, high fashion to punk wear I’ve collected from my secret international hot spots. I keep everything in an enormous archive in Hollywood.

Good men must not obey the laws too well.

The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold; Alike fantastic, if too new, or old: Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

Society does not consist of individuals but expresses the sum of interrelations, the relations within which these individuals stand.

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, ‚God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!‘

I’m like 6’2 when I wear heels, so I tend to wear cowboy boots a lot.

I would not give half a guinea to live under one form of government other than another. It is of no moment to the happiness of an individual.

I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

While victimhood in America is exalted, I don’t think our veterans should join those ranks.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

In the long-run every Government is the exact symbol of its People, with their wisdom and unwisdom; we have to say, Like People like Government.

I am not gay, but if I were, I would be the first one running out of the closet.

Although I don’t have a prescription for what others should do, I know I have been very fortunate and feel a responsibility to give back to society in a very significant way.

You know, my main reaction to this money thing is that it’s humorous, all the attention to it, because it’s hardly the most insightful or valuable thing that’s happened to me.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

We have the opportunity to move not only toward the rich society and the powerful society, but upward to the Great Society.

The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live? I mean, is there something wrong with society that’s making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

We live in ugly times.

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

Mankind, when left to themselves, are unfit for their own government.

Modesty forbids what the law does not.

I don’t write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.

I really focus on my jeans and sweaters for them to fit really well. There was a time that wasn’t the case.

I like the app where you can make your own memes. I make memes all the time and send them to my friends.

The concept of commercialism in the fashion and art world is looked down upon. You know, just to think, ‚What amount of creativity does it take to make something that masses of people like?‘ And, ‚How does creativity apply across the board?‘

All ideologies are idiotic, whether religious or political, for it is conceptual thinking, the conceptual word, which has so unfortunately divided man.

More than anything, I like a jacket. You can do anything with a great jacket, the bigger the better. You can have any silhouette underneath. It gives you an attitude. It makes a gown look cool.