Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

When you learn about the teaching and the practice of another tradition, you always have a chance to understand your own teaching and practice.

The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the ‚Boston Phoenix,‘ and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that’s where I first saw ‚deadpan.‘

I’m screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I’m funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that’s appreciated by young people.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

By stopping flying, you don’t only reduce your own carbon footprint but also that sends a signal to other people around you that the climate crisis is a real thing and that helps push a political movement.

Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.

Start a part-time business and make as many mistakes as you possibly can while you still have your daytime job.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‚Yes,‘ you know he is a crook.

Education is not merely neglected in many of our schools today, but is replaced to a great extent by ideological indoctrination.

Stand-up is hard.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

It’s a fundamental, social attitude that the 1% supports symphonies and operas and doesn’t support Johnny learning to program hip-hop beats. When I put it like that, it sounds like, ‚Well, yeah,‘ but you start to think, ‚Why not, though?‘ What makes one more valuable than another?

Well, I was 29 years old when I came to the United States Senate, and I have learned a lot.

You can’t trample infidels when you’re a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

I actually don’t read most of the coverage about Facebook. I try to learn from getting input from people who use our services directly more than from pundits.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

Academic qualifications are important and so is financial education. They’re both important and schools are forgetting one of them.

People may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do.

Talking to a player helps, but in our sport the majority of learning happens from watching another player. You pick up things like being punctual, being nice to everyone, making sure you give your 100 per cent even in training.

Homework’s hard. Especially math. My kids joke with me. They tell me they have homework. I say, ‚Okay.‘ And then I sit down and they say, ‚It’s math.‘ ‚No! Not math! English, history, anything!‘

Hell is full of musical amateurs.

The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge and the dissemination of truth.

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.

What spectacle can be more edifying or more seasonable, than that of Liberty and Learning, each leaning on the other for their mutual and surest support?

We dissect failure a lot more than we dissect success.

Pilots take no special joy in walking. Pilots like flying.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.

The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read, With loads of learned lumber in his head.

Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.

I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

I want to play a fireman and a spy. I want to learn special effects.

You know what, I’m very attracted to someone who makes me laugh and is that charming. Really, I could be charmed by anyone. I’m just a sucker for somebody that is charming.

Treat failure as a lesson on how not to approach achieving a goal, and then use that learning to improve your chances of success when you try again. Failure is only the end if you decide to stop.

Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don’t mind laughing at it before you guys do.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

To discover and know has always been a deep tendency of our nature. Can we not recognize it already in caveman?

Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts.

Every three months, I’ll say, ‚Honey, I think I should learn how to cook‘.

We’ve got to dumb America up again.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Love is a really scary thing, and you never know what’s going to happen. It’s one of the most beautiful things in life, but it’s one of the most terrifying. It’s worth the fear because you have more knowledge, experience, you learn from people, and you have memories.

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth.

Flying might not be all plain sailing, but the fun of it is worth the price.

I met Woz when I was 13, at a friend’s garage. He was about 18. He was, like, the first person I met who knew more electronics than I did at that point. We became good friends, because we shared an interest in computers and we had a sense of humor. We pulled all kinds of pranks together.

There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.

They know enough who know how to learn.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.