Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

I have often said that the lure of flying is the lure of beauty.

Mistakes can be corrected by those who pay attention to facts but dogmatism will not be corrected by those who are wedded to a vision.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.

It’s very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that’s not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It’s a gut feeling.

I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn.

No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.

There is no sin except stupidity.

Obama’s not Jesus. He can’t walk on water.

Experience is one thing you can’t get for nothing.

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.

I often look ridiculous in Japan. There’s really no way to eat in Japan, particularly kaiseki in a traditional ryokan, without offending the Japanese horribly. Every gesture, every movement is just so atrociously wrong, and the more I try, the more hilarious it is.

Men must be taught as if you taught them not, and things unknown proposed as things forgot.

For good nurture and education implant good constitutions.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.

I don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance.

We go to school to learn to work hard for money. I write books and create products that teach people how to have money work hard for them.

I’m lucky because I do get to fly first-class now.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.

One of the interesting things about having little musical knowledge is that you generate surprising results sometimes; you move to places you wouldn’t if you knew better.

I don’t think human beings learn anything without desperation. Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

How could youths better learn to live than by at once trying the experiment of living?

To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it.

It is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know.

The unsuccessful person is burdened by learning, and prefers to walk down familiar paths. Their distaste for learning stunts their growth and limits their influence.

I don’t look at a man who’s expert in one area as a specialist. I look at him as a rookie in ten other areas.

The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‚Oh no, it’s on the house.‘

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than what they think laughable.

If I had to describe myself to an alien I’d say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I’d also say I’m really handsome – especially if they were a female alien.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.

I have many regrets, and I’m sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret… if you have any sense, and if you don’t regret them, maybe you’re stupid.

When one has finished building one’s house, one suddenly realizes that in the process one has learned something that one really needed to know in the worst way – before one began.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, ‚What for?‘ I said, ‚I’m going to buy some sugar.‘

I always knew from that moment, from the time I found myself at home in that little segregated library in the South, all the way up until I walked up the steps of the New York City library, I always felt, in any town, if I can get to a library, I’ll be OK. It really helped me as a child, and that never left me.

Those move easiest who have learn’d to dance.

I think I have always had a little humor.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Everybody will make mistakes, and for some that mistake will rise to the level of being a crime.

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

I feel like I was writing as I was learning to talk. Writing was always a go-to form of communication. And I knew I could sing from being in tune with the radio.

Comedy’s about opening up and being unique, but to a point where the audience can relate to what you’re saying.

If you’re serious, you really understand that it’s important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you’re the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you’re funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

On the ‚Star,‘ you were forced to learn to write a simple declarative sentence. This is useful to anyone. Newspaper work will not harm a young writer and could help him if he gets out of it in time.

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

Find what’s hot, find what’s just opened and then look for the worst review of the week. There is so much to learn from watching a restaurant getting absolutely panned and having a bad experience. Go and see it for yourself.

Perplexity is the beginning of knowledge.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

By reading, you learn through others‘ experiences, generally, a better way to do business, especially in our line of work where the consequences of incompetence are so final for young men.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.

It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.