Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income.

Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.

I love performing, you know, because, like I say, I’m a ham for this stuff.

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.

Are you laboring under the impression that I read these memoranda of yours? I can’t even lift them.

May we so love as never to have occasion to repent of our love!

I think I have to trust that you end up with the person you’re supposed to end up with, and that everything in between is there to teach you stuff.

Don’t get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects.

Greater love hath no man than to attend the Episcopal Church with his wife.

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.

When you have really exhausted an experience you always reverence and love it.

It’s always great to perform at home in the good ol‘ U.S.A.

Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.

We are not angry with people we fear or respect, as long as we fear or respect them; you cannot be afraid of a person and also at the same time angry with him.

If you’re serious, you really understand that it’s important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you’re the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you’re funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

The noblest spirit is most strongly attracted by the love of glory.

Every single one of the guys that I’ve written songs about has been tracked down on MySpace by my fans.

A poet never takes notes. You never take notes in a love affair.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

When I worked on a magazine, I learned that there are many, many writers writing that can’t write at all; and they keep on writing all the cliches and bromides and 1890 plots, and poems about Spring and poems about Love, and poems they think are modern because they are done in slang or staccato style, or written with all the ‚i’s‘ small.

Sucking up to the biggies won’t get us anywhere.

To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor tends, and of which every desire prompts the prosecution.

Love is easy, and I love writing. You can’t resist love. You get an idea, someone says something, and you’re in love.

I have a personal ambition to live my life honestly and honor the true love that I’ve had and also the people I’ve had around me. I want to stay hopeful, even though I get scared about why we’re even alive at all.

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In ‚The Colour of Magic‘ most of the city is set alight. It’s a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams’s ‚The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.‘

When the burdens of the presidency seem unusually heavy, I always remind myself it could be worse. I could be a mayor.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

‚Tis love that makes the world go round, my baby.

He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often, and loved much.

For how many things, which for our own sake we should never do, do we perform for the sake of our friends.

If music be the food of love, play on.

So far is it from being true that men are naturally equal, that no two people can be half an hour together, but one shall acquire an evident superiority over the other.

So many guys are so conservative with their hair, and I always joke with all my buddies when they mess with me, and I’ll say, ‚That’s right, keep the same haircut for ten years.‘ How fun is that?

I am a bit of a solitude person – a solitary personality. I like being on my own. I don’t have any major friendships or relationships with people.

I love us so incredibly, insanely deeply; it’s almost unbearable to see what we do to ourselves.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

We’re so immaturely cynical as a culture. We’re not wise enough to look at an institution like marriage and to really things about what it means and what it signifies. It signifies a place where people can tie the ropes of their lives together so that they’re stronger. It signifies a place where people can tell the truth to one another.

In hip-hop, there’s not a lot of love. There’s not a lot of love being spread. It’s always like ‚I’m stuntin‘ on you raps, or I’m better than you raps.‘ It’s not a lot of ‚Yo man, I idolize you raps.‘

But now, being a parent, I go home and see my son and I forget about any mistake I ever made or the reason I’m upset. I get home and my son is smiling or he comes running to me. It has just made me grow as an individual and grow as a man.

Much that passes as idealism is disguised hatred or disguised love of power.

When I’m home, I spend Sunday with my husband. If we’re not cooking, we travel around in our camper, stop at fast-food restaurants, and picnic. We love that stuff that will harden your arteries in a hurry.

I approach love differently now that I know it’s hard for it to work out.

Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not. The church is going to have to become the conscience of the free market if it’s to have any meaning in this world – and stop being its apologist.

Confidence, as a teenager? Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I loved cats. Those three things. So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved.

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

You can write any time people will leave you alone and not interrupt you. Or, rather, you can if you will be ruthless enough about it. But the best writing is certainly when you are in love.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

At the age when other children, I imagine, experience their first ‚feeling‘ for a person, or for art, or for religion, I was affectionate, good, and even pious: by that I mean that under the influence of my mother, I was devoted to the Child Jesus.

I love America, it’s a much more permissive place.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

My wife and I are very affectionate.

He who hath many friends hath none.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

Like every parent, when you start your family, your life completely changes. And you completely live for someone else. I find that the most extraordinary thing. Your life is handed over to someone else. From that moment on, they come first in every choice you make. It’s the most wonderful thing.

The best thing about being a dad? Well, I think it’s just the thing that every man wants – to have a son and heir.