Disneyland is the star, everything else is in the supporting role.

Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.

You see the film, you might be entertained, and if it’s not a great film, it loses its power very quickly. I think even simply acceptable books stay with us a lot longer.

The tradition of the South is not urban… I think we are a region of storytellers, naturally, just from our tribal instincts. We did not have the pleasures of the theater or the dance, motion pictures when they came along. We simply entertain each other by talking.

I’ve been reading tabloids since I was nine. I love a good story.

Of course, it does depend on the people, but sometimes I’m invited places to kind of brighten up a dinner table like a musician who’ll play the piano after dinner, and I know you’re not really invited for yourself. You’re just an ornament.

The most watched programme on the BBC, after the news, is probably ‚Doctor Who.‘ What has happened is that science fiction has been subsumed into modern literature. There are grandparents out there who speak Klingon, who are quite capable of holding down a job. No one would think twice now about a parallel universe.

I’ve been to Disneyland, like, 10 times. I’m getting really tired of Disneyland.

I could have spent eight years doing anything, and at some level, it would have been fine. I could have focused on flowers. I could have focused on decor. I could have focused on entertainment. Because any First Lady, rightfully, gets to define her role. There’s no legislative authority; you’re not elected. And that’s a wonderful gift of freedom.

I love making people laugh. And I love laughing.

Stand-up comedy is mine: it’s my entity; it’s my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it.

I know that if I had a television in my flat I would convince myself that everything on it was really interesting. I would say, ‚I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!‘ is so sociologically fascinating that I think I’d better watch.

I want to play a fireman and a spy. I want to learn special effects.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.

Growing up I didn’t watch movies.

I’ve been thinking of humorous things since I was… I can’t remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

WWE is a space where I thrived, and I loved, and I still do. I love connecting with an audience; that is the greatest thing about going back to WWE.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

I’m a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys – movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.

Nobody enjoys the ‚little show about nothing‘ humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

I absolutely want to have a career where you make’em laugh and make’em cry. It’s all theater.

People don’t want drama 365 days a year. I’m a sense of relief; it’s my job to take your mind off what’s bad for that brief second you’re in the room with me, regardless of shape, race, colour or anything. It brings people together, and it makes me feel good about what I’m doing.

I sent out a tweet, ‚Dancing with the Stars‘ should stop the jibber jabber. They shouldn’t make the departure of a dancer so tear jerky because nobody’s going to war.

There’s nothing funnier than the human animal.

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war – for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I’d say we deserve ours more.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

When you’re in comedy, people always come up and say, ‚Oh, it must be so hard.‘ It really isn’t hard unless you’re not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy.

There’s something about being in front of a live audience that’s fun. It’s a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can’t get it anywhere else. And I’ve been doing it since I was 23, so it’s part of my being – it’s part of my fabric as a person.

I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made ‚em up myself.

I’ve always wanted to do a family movie.

I never listen to the radio unless I rent a car.

TV’s a big deal in prison. A big deal. People watch it nonstop.

My show ‚The Big House‘ was picked up; they flew me to New York. I’m about to step on stage to announce Kevin Hart’s ‚The Big House.‘ And a hand grabs my shoulder, ‚Kevin no, they just decided to cancel it.‘ It’s a serious smack-in-the-face business, and either you can take it, or you can’t.

One of the powerful temptations is that of the cinema palace. The cinema has undoubtedly an enormous attraction for boys, and people are constantly cudgelling their brains how to stop it. But it is one of those things which would be very difficult to stop even if it were altogether desirable.

Disneyland is a show.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.

I’m Mickey Mouse. They don’t know who’s inside the suit.

In the end, everything is a gag.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

There are folks who now know black families – like the Johnsons on ‚Black-ish‘ or the folks on ‚Modern Family.‘ They become part of who you are. You share their pains. You understand their fears. They make you laugh, and they change how you see the world.

Films and television and even comic books are churning out vast quantities of fictional narratives, and the public continues to swallow them up with great passion. That is because human beings need stories.

Football games are on TV, and it doesn’t affect stadium attendance at all. It’s the same with movies. People who really love movies and like to go out on a Saturday night will go to the movie theater.

My opinion can be completely different after a show.

I don’t think comedy will ever die.

We don’t want people to leave the stadium until the game finishes.

I love WWE, and I love that platform. There is no other platform in the world that gives me that instant gratification. There is just no other platform.

One of the things you’re doing when you make art, apart from entertaining yourself and other people, is trying to see what ways of working feel good, what feels right.

It’s not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.

Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care.

What a blast it is to be here with Michael Moore.

Are we simply waving farewell to the days when some of the most interesting thinking in Europe and America came to us from our fiction film-makers? BBC2, which once introduced and showed great films, now shows none.

Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.

I like the good life too much, I’m not good at going on stage night after night and on wet Wednesday afternoons.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

‚The Simpsons‘ appearances were great fun. But I don’t take them too seriously. I think ‚The Simpsons‘ have treated my disability responsibly.

The best book, like the best speech, will do it all – make us laugh, think, cry and cheer – preferably in that order.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.