Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

I’m sick of the tabloids‘ saying I obsess over guys. Why would you obsess over guys? They don’t like it.

Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don’t mind laughing at it before you guys do.

If music be the food of love, play on.

The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

I don’t like magic – but I have been known to make guys disappear.

We must restore hope to young people, help the old, be open to the future, spread love. Be poor among the poor. We need to include the excluded and preach peace.

Though lovers be lost, love shall not.

It’s probably the worst feeling in the world, when you’re deeply and madly in love with a woman and you know she’s not feeling you the same way, and you don’t know why.

The face of a lover is an unknown, precisely because it is invested with so much of oneself. It is a mystery, containing, like all mysteries, the possibility of torment.

Joe Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

But now, being a parent, I go home and see my son and I forget about any mistake I ever made or the reason I’m upset. I get home and my son is smiling or he comes running to me. It has just made me grow as an individual and grow as a man.

When I’m being funny, I try not to offend. I don’t think much of what I’ve done has been in really ghastly taste. I don’t think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

If I wouldn’t have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

Our affections as well as our bodies are in perpetual flux.

Love is only one of many passions.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

No one is laughable who laughs at himself.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… I think I’ve forgotten this before.

The more cats you have, the longer you live. If you have a hundred cats, you’ll live 10 times longer than if you have 10. Someday this will be discovered, and people will have a thousand cats and live forever. It’s truly ridiculous.

There is nothing I love as much as a good fight.

Don’t ever call a guy first. The thing they want the most is whatever they can’t have. It sounds really juvenile, but it works.

I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.

We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on. My wife looked at me and said: ‚Boy, you are skinny, aren’t you?‘ I said: ‚Honey, I’d like to remind you that it was minor defects like this that kept me from getting a better wife.‘

My wife told me if there is any rumors about me, it better be about politics and not about my social life.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

I think women love very hard. We love men. We just love with everything we have. And sometimes, I don’t know that that love is met with the type of dignity that we wish it would be met with.

It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving – by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.

Ever since I first came here in 1963 to fight Henry Cooper, I have loved the people of England.

Single life is so overrated.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

Self-interest is the enemy of all true affection.

I wasn’t going to shy away from getting married when I did and having a baby young and starting a family, even with the job that I chose.

Logically, harmony must come from the heart… Harmony very much based on trust. As soon as use force, creates fear. Fear and trust cannot go together.

I thank God I’m myself and for the life I’m given to live and for friends and lovers and beloveds, and I thank God for knowing that all those people have already paid for me.

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, ‚God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!‘

I love stuff from the Holy Land. It makes me feel blessed.

My kids are the funniest two human beings there are.

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.

In terms of the legal matter of creating a contract between two people that’s called marriage, and allowing them to live together with the protection of law, it seems to me is the way we should be moving in this country.

I could fall in love with a sumo wrestler if he told stories and made me laugh. Obviously, it would be easier if someone was African-American and lived next door and went to the same church. Because then I wouldn’t have to translate.

Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

That is what fame is, isn’t it? To get the world to fall in love with you.

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

He didn’t come out of my belly, but my God, I’ve made his bones, because I’ve attended to every meal, and how he sleeps, and the fact that he swims like a fish because I took him to the ocean. I’m so proud of all those things. But he is my biggest pride.

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

You should hurry up and acquire the cigar habit. It’s one of the major happinesses. And so much more lasting than love, so much less costly in emotional wear and tear.

My son is becoming me – just a silly, silly prankster guy.

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.