As far as the general public is concerned, I always tell people that you need to look like a dance teacher like you’re looking for a pediatrician.

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.

I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.

You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

I like to make people feel happy and superior in their reaction towards my appearance.

He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.

Dignity, and even holiness too, sometimes, are more questions of coat and waistcoat than some people imagine.

It’s my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‚I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.‘

The advice I’ve been giving to people all my life – that you may not be interested in the dialectic but the dialectic is interested in you; you can’t give up politics, it won’t give you up – was the advice I should have been taking myself.

Sometimes the poor are praised for being thrifty. But to recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less.

Older and wiser voices can help you find the right path, if you are only willing to listen.

The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice, I would have English Channels round every country. And the atmosphere would be such that anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.

I think dress, hairstyle and make-up are the crucial factors in projecting an attractive persona and give one the chance to enhance one’s best physical features.

In Hollywood a girl’s virtue is much less important than her hairdo.

I am not handsome or sexy. Of course, it’s not like I am hopeless.

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone I love not to mix with it.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel it. Passion goes, boredom remains.

No one wants advice – only corroboration.

Remember this, folks – I am a Hillbilly, and I don’t always Bet the same way I talk. Good advice is one thing, but smart gambling is quite another.

I don’t notice anybody unless they look great, and every now and again they do, and they are usually 70.

My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

When in doubt, don’t.

There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.

There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man’s self.

If you young fellows were wise, the devil couldn’t do anything to you, but since you aren’t wise, you need us who are old.

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.

Be sincere; be brief; be seated.

Judges ought to be more leaned than witty, more reverent than plausible, and more advised than confident. Above all things, integrity is their portion and proper virtue.

I didn’t like the way I looked in pictures – when I saw myself on a digital camera, I was like, ‚Eesh.‘

All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school – my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program.

Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.

Particularly Instagram, people look like they have a much better life than they really do. People basically seem like they are way better-looking than they really are, and they are way happier-seeming than they really are.

There was never yet fair woman but she made mouths in a glass.

He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped.

When we are well, we all have good advice for those who are ill.

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold; Alike fantastic, if too new, or old: Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.

Political language… is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.

Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.

If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.

Ah! yes, I know: those who see me rarely trust my word: I must look too intelligent to keep it.

It is not once nor twice but times without number that the same ideas make their appearance in the world.

I still derive immense pleasure from remembering how many hod-carrying brickies were encouraged to put on lurex tights and mince up and down the high street, having been assured by know-it-alls like me that a smidgen of blusher really attracted the birds.

There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

It’s disgusting, but my father taught me when your mouth gets dry, just suck the sweat out of your own jersey. There’s no bravado to any of it; it’s just a disgusting little trick.

The fact that our task is exactly commensurate with our life gives it the appearance of being infinite.

In a magazine, one can get – from cover to cover – 15 to 20 different ideas about life and how to live it.